Step by step, we are all approaching the inevitable end of life-mortality. Nobody escapes it, but it seems that not many people actually realize it's existence.

Mortality itself is frightening. I don't know whether it is only because the fear towards death is programmed into our gene in the long course of human history so that we will have the best rates of survival. No matter what, I am personally exceedingly afraid of death partly because it means my existence will be wiped clean from this planet and partly because I know absolutely nothing about it.

The first time I realized I was mortal was due to my grandfather’s death. The very idea that I would just vanish from this world was more than horrifying as well as devastating. Before this revelation, I had never even once thought that I would just stop existing one day. This definitely shattered my world.

Death is not a daily topic like entertainment that constantly dances on people’s lips. It is more like a taboo in Chinese society deeply immersed in somewhat outdated traditions and customs. More exactly, death to many people is akin to a virus that many people seem to reckon that the mere mention of it is likely to make them catch this fatal disease. Consequently, it is almost agreed that we should never bring up this upsetting and unpleasant topic in conversation.

But this sort of avoidance never serves us any good. At least not in my case. I have hoped for a long time that more people will join the crowd to talk about this to some extent almost forbidden topic because the more we know it, the better we will know about how we should live our life and the better we will be able to survive the traumatic death of our beloved ones.

My grandfather’s sudden death because of heart attack had been shocking as well as extremely traumatic to me and to many of my family members. After his death, I was drunk in depression and desperately wanted to find a way out of this mental quagmire. I tried to write a letter to confess to my father how afraid I was about my grandfather’s death. My father drunk in his own sadness was I believe at a loss about what to do as well. After all, nobody had ever told my father how he should survive his close family members’ death. My father read my letter and then just pretended nothing happened. When younger, I couldn't understand why my father didn't say anything about it. But now I know.

My grandmother’s suicide was even more disheartening. My family had believed that we had done our best to keep her old life as comfortable as possible while in the meantime nobody paid attention to her severe mental illness. One of my aunts had been despairing for a long time after her mother’s death as she was the one who was in the hospitable to look after my grandmother. She had reckoned it was mainly because of her carelessness that had caused this despondent incident. She had borne that heavy cross in her heart for too long. Fortunately, with family support, she won this rather difficult battle.

Life is random. Not everyone is guaranteed a natural death-too old to live. Some young people die because of a variety of reasons nowadays such as car accident, drowning etc.. Many young people die from incurable disease as well. Thanks to the development of information technology, we these days know virtually whatever we want and don't want to know.

When scrolling the posts on social networking websites, it is not uncommon for us to see posts asking for donation so that they can help sick people receive medical treatment. Many of the patients are still very young. Seeing those posts can be depressing to me. It reminds me how fragile life can be and makes me feel sorry for those life which haven't had a chance yet in this world.

One of my friends one day informed me that she was slightly depressed because one of her best friends in senior high school died because of stomach cancer. Her friend reached the end of life around a month after her diagnosis. This totally unexpected event almost crushed her and her level of anxiety shot up. She was uncontrollably worried about her and her family. I wish there would be anything I could say or do to help her feel better.

But unfortunately there isn’t. I do sincerely hope there will be more talk about how we prepare ourselves for the end of our life and how we handle the leaving of our beloved ones.

Just a few days ago, I finished reading a book called “Being Mortal”. It was a rather nice and illuminating read on many levels. It facilitates me to understand the priorities in my life-chasing after materialistic wealth? pursing personal achievement? or going after my dream? Understanding these is essential for people to live a happy and fulfilling life. Apparently it takes time to figure out the answer but it's worth it. Of course, the sooner, the better.

In the past, I had placed enormous value on materialistic wealth, which later I realized didn't quite work for me. Now, I attach more importance to quality of life-spending some time enjoying a movie or a book, more importantly spending some time accompanying my parents.

It's difficult to live in a society that have formed many norms and that have placed many expectations on individuals. It's certainly easier to follow the path everyone takes. But if it is not where my heart belongs,

I would like to make some reasonable changes so that I can be happier with my limited time in this world.

After all, when I am facing death, nothing really matters.

It doesn't matter whether people like me;

It isn't important whether I have risen to fame or achieved greatness;

It is meaningless to try to please everyone.

Sometimes, that I am still living and breathing is a good enough reason to make me happy.