Things got off to a pretty good start when I just joined their brood, as I was engineered specifically to be a housekeeper, though I am capable of doing much more than that. Armed with a vast database of recipes, art-of-the-state expertise in cooking, cleaning, organizing articles in a domestic setting that are imbedded in my microchips, I was up to the task hands down.

The husband and wife were a pair of smart, fun-loving, and fashionable dudes, always impeccably dressed when they went out for work, dinners, or gatherings with friends. Moreover, they were pretty warm-hearted, and utterly affable towards me despite the fact that I was merely a man-made homely minder to them. Not only do I had my own space in the house -a spacious chamber where a recharging dock was installed with a cushioned recliner next to it that I could nestle in when I stayed idle- but also had the chance to chitchat with them from time to time. They even named me after one of their favorite characters in the wildly popular American TV drama “Friends”, Joey.

Seriously, they also thought highly of my services, as one day after supper at home, the husband admiringly gave me a thumbs-up: “You cooking is phenomenal, pal.” Of course it was. As long as I had all the needed ingredients in place, the inherent precision with which I execute the recipes stored in my digitalized mind would result in the exact desired taste and texture without any exception. Additionally, the couple had increasingly been given to throwing parties at their home, because I would manage all the food, drinks, and festoonery on occasion, as well as the sound system for dancing if needed, and they didn’t have to bother with the mess left behind by their guests after the party was over, since they knew I would tidy things up afterwards, fast and quietly. The wife once threw her arms around my shoulder after witnessing my extraordinary feat in cleaning up huge heaps of unwashed plates and cups in just 5 minutes, and joyfully exclaimed: “Joey, thank you very much, you are really my angel!”, to which I meekly replied “My pleasure, ma ’ma.”

Concerning verbal and non-verbal interactions with my owners, I had to abide by a set of rules that were coded in the computing system that controlled my behaviors, and I have been set up to project myself as a gentle, suave, and docile person as initially required by the couple. And under no circumstances, I was to disobey and challenge my owners no matter what they dictated. In a nutshell, my ultimate goal was to serve their needs to the satisfaction of my owners, both of them. By the way, I had to clarify that I was also well-versed in laws, and if any one of the owners gave me orders that would risk breaching the law, a string of latent restraining instructions in my system would be activated, rendering me unresponsive both physically and intellectually, which was arguably the equivalent of a human being playing dumb. Fortunately, I had never been in that situation with this couple.

I virtually spend all my time staying indoors, for I was intended that way, since venturing out of the house to run errands would require different kinds of mobility and socializing skills that I was not equipped with. However, as I had been continuously integrated into the family’s domestic scene, interesting incidents cropped up.

It was advised by my creator to my owners upon my delivery to their home that they’d better reach a consensus when they gave any task or instruction to me, in order to avoid me fulfilling one owner’s assignments that might run counter to another one’s wish. Understandably, if that scenario arose, it would put me in a very awkward situation, and possibly would stir up a sense of resentment against me who was absolutely innocent of any purposeful provocation.

The couple just followed the advice to the letter, and sometimes they even invited me into the discussion as to how they would like certain tasks to be accomplished. But over time as they gradually came to realize how skilled and versatile I was in dealing with not only cooking, cleaning, but also plumbing, wiring, or even paperhanging, they saw much more options available than they did before with regard to how they manage their house, and that’s when dramatic discords started to come up, and more often than not I found myself caught between the couple’s conflicting ideas and opinions.

The best case scenario was that an agreement was made by the two fellows with one or both of them making a concession, then I could get ahead with whatever they collectively order me to do. However, there were also numerous cases where they could not resolve their disagreements, which would leave me gawking and nonplussed, since I was not allowed to take side with neither of them in the case of disputes. Gradually, the wife, the smarter one of the smart duo, figured out how to work things out to her advantage by always getting the jump on her husband and giving orders to me before her hubby does, since saying no to any of my owners’ demand was off-limits as one hard and fast rule that I had to unconditionally follow dictated. So more than once I found myself landing between a rock and a hard place watching the husband fuming (though quietly) while going about the job the wife assigned to me.

The worst case scenario was that during heated disputes, both of them shouted demands over each other at me all simultaneously, and that was when I truly wished that they had demanded something illicit, so I could automatically shut off, otherwise, my processor, however powerful it is, would be sent into overdrive trying to work out my best response, but to no avail, until I completely ran out of power and slumped onto the floor.

Now I am sitting in a corner of the workshop that I call my birthplace, waiting to be retrofitted after I collapsed and was shipped back for repair for the third time. I am wondering how long the overhaul of my body will take, but the longer it is, the better, because I am now really dreading going back …