http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ding_ling

About the Translator: Carol Ren (Chinese name: Ren Qiao), a postgraduate student majoring English Interpreting in China Foreign Affairs University, with Level-2 CATTI English Translation Certificate.

Dec.28

I invited Liufang and Yunlin to come over to see movies today. But Liufang also brought Jianru. I was supposed to cry with anger, but instead I laughed loud. They had no idea how Jianru would embarrass me! Her look, her behavior, all feels like my best childhood friend, so I couldn’t help getting close to her long before, and she gave me the chance. But later she made me feel depressed, which became unbearable. Whenever I thought of her, I would always hate the past, and regret my stupid actions: I wrote her eight letters, but got no reply. I don’t know what was going on in Liufang’s mind to bring Jianru. She knows quite well that I don’t want to recall the past. But she still took Jianru with her. How could she invite Jianru? Did she do it purposely to arouse my hatred? If so, she succeeded.

Liufang and Yunlin didn’t notice what’s wrong with me, but Jianru felt it, though pretending not. She chatted with me freely as if nothing went wrong, which made me even more angry. I wanted to shout at her, but at the thought of the promise I had made, I gave up. Needless to say, the more I overreacted, the happier someone would be. So I swallowed my unpleasant feelings and joined the talk.

As we arrived at Zhengguang Cinema earlier, we encountered a group of hometown girls at the door. The unnatural way they behaved themselves made me sick, so I just ignored them. But somehow I blamed the crowd for it. As Liufang chatted with them cheerfully, I left alone my invited guests and returned home without a word.

I guess nobody but I would forgive what I had done. They criticized my wrongdoings, but none of them knew how hard I struggled to hide my true feelings. Some of them treat me as a weirdo, but with no idea how hard I tried to please them. But they never encourage me to say what is against my will, which in turn gave me time to reflect on myself and at the same time drove them away from me.

Though late and quiet around, I still lay awake. What else would make me sad after having figured out something?