Chapter 3

Do you have a Complex?

Associated images and frozen memories of traumatic moments…are buried deep in the subconscious.

C.G.Jung

Have you ever felt like you have “some kind of complex?” Maybe your sensitivity level is higher regarding certain issues. You hear people bring up issues which disturb your inner peace and you are forced to confront them if only in your own mind. Possibly you have buttons that certain people know how to push and set you into a downward emotional, psychological, and/or spiritual spiral.

Don’t Push My Buttons

Ralph, a friend of mine, told me once about a lady that he was good friends with and even dated at one time. They got along marvelously well except on particular occasions. She would say or do something that more or less “set him off” and made him angry. He often said to me, “She really knows how to push my buttons.”

She would begin to talk about men who were a bit controlling over their spouses or significant other. Much of the time, she would mildly mention something that remotely resembled a criticism about men acting this way.

Ralph said, “It was like she would have to ruin my day by starting all that. I thought that she did it on purpose and sadistically enjoyed getting me ticked off.”

Have you ever injured your body in a certain place only too bump into that very place over and over again, re-injuring yourself and making it even worse? From our experiences and through the history of our lives, we have emotional places which have never really healed completely. We sometimes describe them as “sore spots.” We hear someone on television say something that reminds us of our “sore spot” and it changes our mood, maybe causing us to feel depressed or simply irritated.

The renowned psychiatrist and a founder of analytical psychology, Carl Jung, described these “sore spots” as “complexes.” In fact, Jung’s writings are where we get this word when describing someone who, for instance, has an “inferiority complex.” These are weaknesses in our internal world that have likely been put there by trauma that we’ve experienced on some level.

Suzanne had been in several relationships and could never seem to stay in one longer than a few months. She was a successful attorney, always drove a new European luxury sedan, lived in a million dollar plus home, ate in the finest restaurants, and took exotic vacations. She showed up one day for counseling and right away, let me know exactly “what she thought of men.” Men, in Suzanne’s opinion, were unreliable, untrustworthy, and womanizing users. The way she described it to me was, “Every man I’ve ever known or have been with, is the same.”

Suzanne saw men through her own filter and enlarged that filter through her ongoing experiences with men. As I’ve said often, “When things are not right in your life and the same event is repeated over and over again, at some point, if you are going to get free of the reoccurrence of that undesirable experience, you must take responsibility. You must recognize that the common denominator in these events is YOU.”

Now, if I just hit a sore spot with you, my friend and beloved reader, please, stay with me. Prepare yourself to get free of having to continue repeating negative events, such as the one I’ve just described. I’m here to help, not to hurt. You can rid yourself of these sore spots permanently.

Come on. Say out loud, “Michael Murphy is my friend and wants to help me get better in my life.” Now, don’t you feel better?

(Seriously, I really do want to help you; that is why I’ve written this book.)

You Are Not Alone

I heard a guy repeat a Biblical quotation once with a little bit of a twist. He said, “I know that the truth will set me free, but before freedom arrives, it always seems to first make me miserable.” This is the case when facing things that push your buttons or what Jung described as complexes.

First, let’s ask the question, “Does everyone on the planet have these same (or similar) events happening in their lives? Do others have crap that happens to them which causes them the same pain that ‘I’ feel and which it seems they can never get free from?” The answer, of course, is “Yes, they do.” Maybe not with the exact same intensity or through the same kind of situations. But our hurts, mistakes, and wrong decisions, are common human experiences.

Yes, trauma is common among all of humankind; however, you may have something specific to you that seems to haunt you over and over again. So let’s recognize that not everyone experiences the same obstacles that you may in exactly the same way as you. Nonetheless, the common ground we experience is much the same.

Second, let’s face the reality that whatever it is that you deal with over and over again, is something that brings you enough pain that you want to get rid of it and move on with your life. Friend, let me say something here. Chronic pain is miserable to live with. Whether it is physical, mental or emotional, pain is not fun. You need to take the attitude that you are going to do whatever it takes to get rid of it.

Take a moment, right now, and let yourself focus on your desire to get rid of your emotional pain. Let your inner will open up to at least getting better in whatever area you feel that certain “sore spot.”

Imagine your life without it. How would it feel to be able to not experience the pain that you’ve felt in the past? Now, start to imagine how it would feel to be free from it, on a deeper level. Let it soak in and even marinate your emotions. How would you view things differently if you were free from those negative emotions?

I’m not saying that you are going to be completely free the very first time you do what I’ve just led you in doing. I am saying that as you continue to give yourself some relief and quit torturing yourself with things that have happened in the past, you will move closer and closer to being free of the intense hurt that you’ve felt.

Beth had an extremely traumatic upbringing. Her father left when she was eight months old. He never came back or even acknowledged that he had a daughter until Beth reunited with him after becoming an adult.

Beth, her mother, two older sisters, and one older brother struggled for almost two decades. They lived on food stamps. Sometimes they were forced to sleep in their car and in homeless shelters. Her mother was determined to survive and she succeeded.

Beth eventually went to college and ultimately earned a Masters degree in sociology. Beth longed to have a happy relationship with a man but could never get past what her father had done to her family.

When Beth decided to seek help and attempted to get past what had happened earlier in her life, she came to see me. Her epiphany came two years after her father had died. Her “Ah-ha!” moment came when she faced the reality that she had let a live human being dictate her early trauma in life. Now she was allowing someone who was dead to continue to adversely affect her own happiness.

On that wonderful day, Beth rose up out of her chair and said, “My God, I’m letting a DEAD MAN control my happiness. How weird is that?!” For the next two weeks, Beth would call me and say, “Michael, do you realize that I have allowed a DEAD MAN to control my moods, how I feel about myself, how I feel about others, and almost completely control my happiness?”

She learned to let it go and make the change that was within her power to make, when she realized the true nature of what she was doing. That day, Beth’s life started turning around. She learned to allow her emotional scars to be completely healed and got started on a new life.

I know. You want to know the rest of the story of Beth. She did meet the man of her dreams and from the last contact I had with her, she is living a successful, highly productive, and very happy life with her husband and two children of her own.

Third, as I mentioned earlier, get brutally honest with yourself. Recognize that the problem is not someone else’s problem. It is your problem and only you can take the steps necessary to fix it. You can fix it. In fact, only you can fix it.

Martin L. (Lenny) Skutnik III was a 28-year-old office worker for a federal agency who acted heroically following the crash of Air Florida Flight 90 on January 13, 1982. Seventy-eight people lost their lives in the disaster, but five survived due to heroic actions such as those of Lenny Skutnik. He was commended by U.S. President Ronald Reagan during his State of the Union speech later that month.

Skutnik, apparently a humble man, was quoted as saying, "I couldn't just stand there and do nothing to help. Someone had to do something. No one else was doing anything or couldn’t. I could. I did. What else could I do?"

See yourself standing there. Maybe you’re watching your life spiral down or going nowhere. All the time you are longing to be, do, and have all that you’ve envisioned. You know that the dream is deep inside and if you can only find the key, you can achieve the success you’ve always desired. You have to do something or nothing is going to change. No one else is going to walk into your life and do what only you can do for yourself.

Now, I want you to imagine that there are concepts in your mind that have been introduced into your life and which you have built upon through repetition of thought. Think about when you learned the alphabet. You cleared out a place in your mind and filled it with your learning of the alphabet. You built a structure in your mind that you can go back and retrieve by the mere mention of it here and now. If you learned the alphabet back in preschool, you put it in the exact same place that you go back and retrieve it from as an adult.

As soon as a negative event is experienced, the brain makes room or finds a place to store that event. As the event is relived over and over again through memory recall, more room is needed and the neural net becomes bigger and stronger. It is fed by certain brain chemicals that strengthen and enlarge it. These networks are what Jung called “complexes.”

The “Witness Syndrome”

The phenomenon which has become known as the “witness syndrome” also proves that these memories are often distorted by numerous replays of the event. When an accident or traumatic event is witnessed by several different people, invariably, they will remember the event differently. This happens as quickly as the memory itself is stored in the brain. The more the event is replayed by the brain, the more distortion it creates in the memory of the actual events which happened.

Not only do we replay and thus relive these events over and over, we also distort the memory and the brain begins to see and believe and accept the distortions as reality. So now we have neural nets (complexes) which are not true representations of reality but are comprised of distortions of reality.

Stop for a moment and let me give you a very strong piece of advice:

Not only is it extremely detrimental to your future state of mind to replay the events immediately after the event happened, but, more so, when these events are distorted and mixed with emotions, which are also stored in the neural nets, it becomes even more devastating and damaging to your state of mind.

So, not only is the repetitive replaying of events detrimental to your future state of mind, but also the interpretation of the events can have an equally devastating effect. The most powerful way to interpret traumatic events that I’ve ever heard of or experienced is to see every event as something that will ultimately take you to your desired goal.

Think about a time in your life when something seemingly devastating occurred. Think of how you may have felt like you wouldn’t get through the event at the time. How many such events have taken place in our lives that we can look back upon and see that it really wasn’t that big of a deal?

I don’t agree with the old adage, “Time heals all wounds.” It isn’t time that heals, but it is perspective that brings healing and better ability to deal with those wounds. The perspective that you choose can strongly affect the number of times you replay a negative event and the subsequent long term effect it can have on you.

Your Goal to Get Better

Your goals are to:

(1) Stop reliving traumatic, limiting events, memories, and emotions that do not propel you towards a more fulfilling, satisfying, and successful life

(2) Recognize the distortion which takes place in your memory of the event and how damaging that is to your life and

(3) Realize the truth in the perspective that “what doesn’t kill you, can and will make you stronger.”

Imagine that there are literal structures constructed in your brain which represent negative or traumatic experiences in your life. These psychological strongholds taunt you and cause you to be depressed or experience some level of pain.

They also encourage you to create ongoing repetitions of these same events. The old proverb that says, “As you think, so you become and so you are,” is validated by the actions that we repeat due to the presence of these neural net strongholds that have been erected in our brains.

The Power of a Decision—Now

I want you to recognize a very powerful ability that you possess right now. One which will allow you to begin to take the wrecking ball of your mind and tear down these strongholds that are holding you back from success. Success that you deserve in every area of your life.

The power that you possess, at this very moment, is the awesome power of decision. As you make the decision to first acknowledge the presence of these strongholds in your brain and second, disassemble their structure. Your subconscious mind immediately begins to stop feeding this complex and begins the process of tearing it down.

The key is your incredible power to acknowledge and decide that this thing is coming apart and it is up to you to begin the process. After you begin to consciously tear down this complex, your subconscious goes into action to fulfill what your conscious mind demands.

Two things which determine what life gives you

As I’ve shared with you already in this book, there are two things which determine your success or failure in every endeavor of your life. These two things are (1) thought and (2) action. Begin to shift your thought through your internal dialogues. Begin to take back your power over your own mind and do not allow these complexes to continue to sabotage your success and happiness.

Begin to consciously take the action of thinking positive thoughts about what you want in your life. Make your case against the force of these complexes to continue to haunt and sabotage your life. Change your internal dialogues and start the process towards personal transformation. As you begin this process, you will immediately begin to feel their power over your life start to diminish.

Adopt and Adapt New Ways of Thinking

I love to think of it this way. “I will adopt and adapt new thinking patterns that are working for my good and for my happiness and success.” Adopting and adapting.

Make a choice and a decision now, and then put it into action. Like anything else in your life, the more you feed yourself positive, constructive, loving and progressive thoughts and information, the more of the desirable emotions of love, happiness, and accomplishment you will feel. The complex got there the same way that you are going to destroy it. Through thoughts and internal dialogue, you will dismantle these demons of your mind and life.

第三章 你有情结吗？

相关图像和固化的记忆深深地埋藏在潜意识内。 卡尔-古斯塔夫-荣格

你有没有感觉自己有“某种情结”？或许你的感觉对某些特定的事情要敏感得多。你会听到人们提起一些打扰你内心平静的事情，而且你会被迫面对它们。可能你的内心有一些按钮，某些人知道怎样按动这些按钮，并使你处于情感、心理、或/和精神不佳状态。

别按动我的内心按钮

一次我的一个朋友拉尔夫告诉我，他有一个很好的女性朋友，而且拉尔夫也和她约会过。他们俩除了一些特定的场合外，相处得非常不错。在这些场合她会说或是做一些令拉尔夫生气的事儿。拉尔夫常对我说，“她的确是知道怎样按动我内心的按钮。”

她会谈论一些对自己的伴侣或是其他人有控制的男人。很多时候，她会对这样做的男人提出一些委婉的批评。

拉尔夫说，“她说这样的话好像是要毁了我的一整天，我认为她是故意这样说的，而且她喜欢把我惹生气”。

你有没有伤及你身体的某个特定部位，并且总是触及这一部位，这样使伤痛反复发作或者使它变得更糟？从我们的经验和人生阅历来看，我们在情感上总会有一些尚未痊愈的伤痛。有时我们称此为“痛点”。我们会在电视上听一些人说起触及我们“痛点”的事，这样我们的心情就会改变，或许也会使我们感到沮丧或气愤。

知名的精神病学家以及分析心理学创始人卡尔-荣格称这些“痛点”为“情结”。其实，我们是在荣格的著作中得到这一词汇的，这一词汇是用来描述某人有自卑情结。这些情结就是我们在某种程度上的某种不愉快的经历烙在我们内心世界的烙印，它们是我们内心的弱点。

苏珊妮处了几个男朋友，并且没有一个相处超过两，三个月的。她是一名成功的律师，她总是开一辆欧洲产的豪华轿车，住在一处一百多万美元的房子里，在最好的饭店就餐，并且享有海外度假。有一天，她来到我这里做一些咨询，我很快就知道她对男人的看法。在苏珊妮眼里，男人都是靠不住的、不值得信任的而且都喜欢玩弄女性。她这样对我讲到：“我认识的和我相处过的男人都是一样的。”

苏珊妮通过她自己的滤色镜看待男人，并且自己与男人相处的经历放大了滤色镜。就像我说过的那样，“当你生活中的事情不太对劲时，并且这种不对劲的事情反复发生，在一定情况下，如果你想要这些你不喜欢的事情不再反复发生，你必须对自己负责，你应该知道这些事情的共同要素就是你。”

现在，我刚刚和你一起触及了一个痛点。朋友，亲爱的读者，请和我再呆一会儿。为自己准备好，使我刚才描述那样的负面事情不在你身上继续反复发生。我是来帮助你们的，不是想触及你们的痛点。你是可以使这些痛点永远从身上消失的。

来吧，大声说出来：“迈克尔-墨菲是我的朋友，并且想帮助我生活得更好，”现在，你难道不感觉好一些吗？（我郑重地向你们说，我的确想帮助你们，这也就是我写这本书的原因）

你不是孤单一人

有一次，我听到一位伙计有一点点扭曲地重复圣经引言。他说，“我知道真理将会带给我自由，但在自由来临前，我会被折磨得很惨。”这就是一个面对要按动他内心按钮事情的例子，也就是荣格所说的情结。

首先，让我们问这样一个问题，“是不是地球上的每个人，在他们的生活中都会有相同的或相似的事情发生。是不是其他人也会遇到一些话语引起他们的痛苦,他们的这些痛苦和你自己的一样，而且这些痛苦好像是怎样也克服不了？”回答当然是，“是的，他们会。”可能不是恰好一样的强烈程度或同样的情况，但这些伤痛、错误、以及错误的决定是人们都有的。

是的，心理创伤总是存在我们每一个人的。然而，或许萦绕在你心头的不愉快的事情有一些显著的特点。所以，我们应该认识到不是每个人遇到障碍和方式和你的相同。然而，这些经历是相同的。

第二，让我们面对这些令你为之反复操心的事情，这些事情给你带来很多伤痛，并且你想消除这些伤痛和继续你的生活。朋友，我在这里讲一下，带着这些慢性伤痛生活是不幸的，无论这些伤痛是身体上的，精神上的，或是情感上的，伤痛总是令人不愉快的。你需要采取无论要付出什么都想把这些伤痛消除的态度了。

现在等一下，你自己全神贯注于想要消除情感伤痛的愿望上。你的内心意志将面对你身心上无论哪个部位的痛点并使之好转。

想象一下，你的生活中没有痛点。如果你可以不再经历过去曾经历的伤痛，那将是一种什么样的感觉呢？现在，我们一起在更深的程度上想象一下，你没有伤痛会是什么感觉呢？你要把想象全部沉浸在情感中。你要是没有这些负面情感，你会怎样不同地看待事情呢？

我不是说你只要做一次我所告诉你应该做的这些，你就会完全消除情结。我是说因为你连续解脱自己并且不要让已经发生的事情折磨你，你就会从伤痛中逐渐地走出来。

贝斯在成长过程中受到很大的心理创伤。她的父亲在她八个月大的时候离开了她，直到长大成人后，父亲才与她团聚。在这之前，她父亲从来没回来看过她，或是承认自己有这个女儿。

贝斯与母亲，两个姐姐和一个哥哥在挣扎中度过了这20年。他们靠政府的救济食品生活，有时候他们被迫在自己的车里或是流浪人员救助站过夜。她母亲决定要活下来并且也做到了。贝斯上了大学，最后获得了社会学硕士研究生学位。她渴望能与自己的心上人幸福地在一起，但是她总是摆脱不了父亲出走所带来的心理阴影。

当贝斯决定寻求帮助并试图走出早年的不幸生活带来的阴影时候，她找到了我。她在父亲去世两年后开始顿悟。她认清了早年父亲的离开给她带来的心理创伤，现在父亲去世了，但是她的心理阴影还在影响自己的幸福时，她就明白了。

在她明白该问题这一天，她从椅子上站起来说，“我的天呀，一个去世的人在影响我的幸福，这多么奇怪呀！”在接下来的两周，贝斯给我通电话说：“迈克尔，你知道吗，一个去世的人正在影响我的情绪，我对自己有怎样的感觉，我对其他人又有怎样的感觉，这些情绪竟然完全控制着我的幸福。”

当她意识到自己问题的本质后，她学着让自己解脱出来，并且在自己力所能及的情况下发生改变。那一天，贝斯的情况有了好转，她学着让自己的心理创伤痊愈并开始新的生活。

我知道，你想了解贝斯后来的情况。从我最后一次和她的联系来看，她已经和自己的心上人在一起了。她和自己的丈夫，两个孩子过着成功、充实、幸福的生活。

第三就像我前面提到的那样，对自己要绝对坦诚。要认识到这问题不是别人的，而是你自己的。只有你才能采取必要的步骤解决该问题。你能解决它，实际上，只有你能解决它。

马丁-斯库特尼克，28岁，是联邦机构办公室职员。在1982年1月13日佛罗里达航空公司90号航班的坠机灾难中表现英勇。78人在此次空难中丧生，但是5人由于像马丁-斯库特尼克那样勇敢地求生而存活下来。在当月的晚些时候，他在全国巡回演讲中受到美国总统罗纳德-里根的表扬。斯库特尼克表面上是一个卑微的人，事后总讲到，“我不能只站在那里并且什么也不做，有些人必须得做些什么，没有其他人做任何事，也做不到。我能做并且也做了，我还能做其他的什么吗？”

看着你自己站在那里，或许你会看着自己划着螺旋线掉下来。你总是期望自己成为什么或是做些什么事，并且你得到你所期望的那样。你知道梦想在自己内心深处，如果你能发现开启梦想的钥匙，你就可以达到你常想要的成功。你必须去做一些事情，否则任何事情也不会改变。没有人会走过来替你完成你自己应该完成的事。

现在，我想让你想象一下你头脑中有一些概念，这些概念被引入到你的生活中，这些概念也是建立在重复你的想法上。想象一下，你在学习字母表时的情景，你头脑中留有一些空间，并把你所学的字母表填入你头脑的空间中。你记住你学习的字母，并随时想起这些字母，如果你在学前班学习了字母表并记住了他们，你成年后这些记忆也是挥之不去的。

就像在很久以前学习字母表并能记住它们。同样，你的心理创伤和负面事情的发生也会深深烙在你的头脑中，不易被忘掉一样。

在上述的例子中，我知道了苏珊妮，那个对男人印象不好的律师，在她11岁时经历了再也没有见到父亲的心理创伤。

在上述的事件中，当创伤发生时，她还是一个对事情毫无控制力的孩子，再加上她母亲不断对她唠叨男人有多不可靠，并且这些不断地提醒她父亲对她们家所做的一切，在苏珊妮的头脑中就形成一个情结“男人都是不可信任的”

你或许认为苏珊妮足够聪明并能知道她为什么总是在成年后重复自己与男人相处不好的经历。你或许认为，非常明显，这就是为什么她不能与男人相处好，并且她所处的几个男朋友都以告吹终结。

几乎所有人，无论他的智力水平或社会地位怎样，只有在告诉他们这些事以后，他们才能认识到问题的所在。我们可能在专业上是高智商的，但是在情商或处理人际关系上就不那么高明了。

那些语言和记忆烙在她头脑的某个特定部位，她必须把自己头脑中的创伤烙印清理干净，并且把使自己在生活中前进的记忆储存在那里。

你怎样以一个情节收场

情结是在有意识的情况下形成的，这种意识可以使特定的事情或对话缓解和重新体验。当一些负面的事情出现在你的生活中，这些事情不止发生一次。如果你的头脑中重新闪现这些事情，你就再次经历它们。你的潜意识分不清这些负面事情是通过你的观察或对图片的记忆或对话或印象留在潜意识之中的。即使对某一负面事情的特定感情可以涌上人们的心头并让他们产生沮丧的心情，我们也不清楚他们为什么有这样的心情。

如果负面事情只发生一次就结束了，我们不会产生如此痛苦的情结，科学家们通过研究发现一种叫作网络记号的东西会通过我们对某一负面事情细节体验的个人因素在我们头脑中形成，科学家们称其为神经网络记号。

当我们经历一负面事情时，我们的大脑就会腾出空间来储存这一事情。当我们回忆这一事情时，我们就又经历一次该事情。神经网络记号也就越来越大和越清晰。这种神经网络记号就被我们头脑中的某些化学物质加强和放大。这些神经网络记号就是荣格所说的“情结”。

见证综合症

这一被称为见证综合症的现象也证明这些记忆会通过我们曾经历过的事情在头脑中多次重新闪现而扭曲。当使我们心理遭到创伤的事情被几个不同的人见证时，他们记住的事情总是不完全相同的。这在记忆被存入大脑时就发生了。如果事情在大脑中重新闪现的次数越多，大脑就会使我们的记忆扭曲越严重。

我们的大脑不光总是重新闪现事情并使我们重新经历它，我们还会扭曲记忆并且大脑开始相信和接受这些扭曲的记忆就是事实。所以我们内心有一些并不是代表事实而是包含扭曲事实的神经网络（情结）。

停下一会，我给你们一些强烈的建议：

事情发生后立刻就在你头脑中重新闪现出来对你未来的心态非常有害的。当扭曲的事情和你的情感一起储存到大脑时，这将变得对你未来的心态有更大的害处。

因此，这些已发生的事情在头脑中重新闪现对你未来的心态也是有害的。但是对事情的解释说明对你有同样的害处。我听说过或经历过最有力的方法是通过对事情的解释最终把你带到所期望的目标上。

想一下，在你生活中有一些似乎可怕的事情发生，你当时可能会想你要挺不过来了。但过后我们再回头看，事情并非那样可怕。

我并不认同这一谚语“时间可以治愈一切创伤”。不是时间治愈了创伤，而是观念治愈了它们或是提高了治愈它们的能力。你所选择的观念可以强烈影响负面事情在头脑中重新闪现的次数和由此带来的长期作用。

你要好转的目标

你的目标是：

（1）停止重新体验这些不会推动你朝向充实、令人满意和成功生活前进的心理创伤、事情、记忆和情感。

（2）要认识到你对事情的扭曲记忆对生活非常有害的。

（3）认识到这一观念的内涵“没有让你毁灭的东西会使你变得更加强壮”。

想象一下，在你的头脑中有代表负面事情或心理创伤的话语，这些心理因素奚落你并使你感到沮丧和痛苦。

这些话语会让你体验到负面事情的重复发生。有一句谚语讲“如果你想这样，最后你就是这样了”这一句话由于我们已经建立起来的情结，是讲得对的。

决定的力量——现在

我想要你认识一种你现在所拥有的力量，这一力量将使你重整行囊，并且开始消除阻止你成功的固有想法。你是在生活的每一方面都该得到成功的。

现在，你所拥有的力量是下决定。你一旦下定决心1）承认你头脑中的这些固有想法。2）消除这些东西。你的潜意识立刻停止对情结的信息输入并开始把它分解。

问题的关键是你要承认并决定要解决问题，同时你要开始这一过程。在你有意识地要消除这些情结时，你的潜意识也会配合意识共同来进行这一过程。

两件事决定生活将给你带来什么

就像我在书中与你分享的这些，有两件事决定着你在生活中的每一次努力的成功或失败：1、思想2、行动。开始通过你的内心对话改变你的思想；开始收回控制你心理的力量并且不允许这些情结继续破坏你的成功和幸福。

有意识地想一些你在生活中期望的正面事情。努力对抗这些情结对你生活造成的影响与破坏。改变你的内心对话，向着使自己发生改变的方向前进。随着你开始这一过程，你就会立刻感到情结对你的作用在减弱。

采用和适应新的思考方式

我喜欢这样想，“我要采用和适应新的思考模式，这种模式对我有益并且使我幸福和成功。”

现在做一选择和决定并付诸实施。和你生活中的其它事一样，你对自己输入正面的、建设性的、关爱的和进步的想法和信息越多，你就越有那种期望的关爱、幸福与成就的感觉。情结形成于你的内心与你要消除它是同样的过程。通过一些观念和内心对话，你会消除心理与生活中的障碍。

翻译心得:本人在翻译第三章的时候对一些单词进行了推敲,如replay一词，我理解的意思是（一些不愉快的经历在头脑中）重复闪现。 networks我理解的意思是（头脑中的）网络记号,neural nets一词组本人理解的意思是“神经网络记号”。还有第三章中关于学习字母表时记忆过程的细节，本人做了简化处理，就是小时候对字母表学习所形成的记忆，成年以后也忘不掉。其他的一些生词通过查字典可以解决。