The day before yesterday, I got a call from my close friend. The moment I picked up my phone, I knew for sure that there was something wrong, for we usually did not phone to each other for easy talks. I remember what brought our last phone call is each other's heartbroken breakup.

So before she could start the conversation, I asked her what was going on.

She told me that she felt lost as if she stood on a crossroad. Her sad voice worried me. She said that her current life was too distressing to live. Since she is also a postgraduate student, I wondered whether it was all due to the great academic pressure existing among us. She didn't deny it this time. But she was never such a weak girl who could be wholly defeated by great pressure. Gradually, she started to complain about everything, her life, her future and even "herself".

I could understand her complaints on her life and on her future, for I am in the same dillema. In pursuit of higher education, both of us sacrificed a lot, our job and our love. What's worse, higher education cannot promise us a brighter future.

But when she began to complain about herself, like her age and her apperance, I could hardly put myself into her shoes, for I never take these as big deals. It is true that we are neither pretty nor ugly. We are just ordinary girls. But to be ordinary is neither our choice nor our fault. We are born to be that. She told in an envious tone that all her classmates are younger than her. But actually she is only one ot two year older than them. She also told me that there is a girl in her dormitory who always shows off her boyfriend in front of her and other girls. She was dissatisfied with her body weight, too. It seemed that everything went wrong in her and her llife...

But according to what I know about her in the past 15 years, she was not such a superficial person. In her talking, she frequentedly mentioned a man in her laboratory. She said that that man always made fun of her age and her weight. Whenever she gained weight, he would "warn" her of being too fat. But in fact she is only one year older than me and she is much slimmer than me. That night she said she wanted to eat dinner and sweeties, but she couldn't. I asked why. She said she was afraid of gaining too much weight. If she gained any weight, she might probably be "warned" of being fat again. She confessed every day she went to gym not for good health but for losing weight. After hearing her whole story, I was extremely angry at that man who said mean things to her. I think it is appropriate to say that that strange man is the one who should be blamed for her loss. What added to my fury was that he is even not her boyfriend. What on else made him so mean? I tried to comfort my friend by cursing that strange man. "Never mind what he said. He is just a nut, a jerk and a weirdo. You don't need to listen to him.What is for to live by that man's standard? What he said doesn't matter! You shouldn't be bothered!"

But after that, I couldn't help asking myself: Is it true that what man said never bothers me? Apparently not. All of sudden, all the unhappy memories due to man's harsh criticism flooded over me. I remembered how often I fought with boys for their bitter words and how often I cried alone behind all people. Some man made fun of my plain appearance, some of my "limited" intellectual, and some even of my modest origin. You may argue that these seldom happen to one's adulthood. But it is not the case. Two weeks ago, I posted on Wechat a picture of my foreign friend and I. A "jerk" who was once my college classmate gave me such a comment: "a girl with an awkard accent and a plain face could only mess around with this kind of man. " After reading that, I burst into tears, and I couldn't stop crying, even though my roomate and some of my close friends tried to comfort me. Now it still hurts me. It is like a painful scar on my tender heart. It reminded me that the first day I went to college, he also joked at my accent and apperance, by calling me "a southerner". Because of what he said, I spent one month practing, practicing to the hardest to change the way I spoke and the way I looked. A year ago, on hearing the news that I got the chance to work aboard, he also threw bitter words at me by indicating that I must earn my chance by "dishonest" means rather than by strengths and efforts. Can you image what kind of expressions I wore when I wrote these down?

Sometimes, a girl lack of love experiences will become another joke for man. But that kind of joke is fine with me, for I have my own understanding on love. I am sure I know love much better than them. To put it simply, love is not a game, the more you play, the better you do. As Shakespear says "journey ends in lovers' meeting. " I remain single just because my journey is longer. That is all. But when it comes to "personal attacks", I could barely keep my head cool. It is strange that when we hear judgements and criticisms from the same sex, it doesn't hurt us that much, but when all these come from the opposite sex, it causes us trauma. I guess sometimes man barely notice that their words do poison us...