How to Cope With Cyber Insults
2016-01-05
Recently, a hater under the username of Newtown commented on two of my blog posts with a sour tongue, agitating me a lot.I know I should have ignored those aggressive words because they have no factual basis, but I still chose to reply him/her, no matter how many times my boyfriend tried to persuade me to simply delete the comments.
"Your reaction is exactly what he/she is hoping for. Don't give him/her what he/she wants." He told me with a serious look.
"But what he/she said made me furious! I cannot just sit here and watch someone insult me." I sneered at the person's profile, all confidential, including the column of gender.
"Weirdo." I frowned.
I can't even think of an appropriate word to describe such behaviour. I admit that to some extent I'm a bit self-centred, but I am aware that it would is impossible to hear entirely good words from others. Different people have different tastes. However I don't understand what kind of situation would cause someone to lauch a personal attack?
If it is someone who knows me but doesn't like me, it makes some sense, but how come a completely stranger feels he/she has the right to insult me? Sorry, I can't stand this. I guess I'm just too dumb to figure it out.
Nevertheless, it wasn't over. Several days later, I received his/her counter reply: "Look at yourself, you've got a lot to laugh at." This time, I did nothing but remained silent. I stopped logging onto my newly-opened China Daily Blog, for over a month.
I was hurt, by a vicious stranger - something I would never imagine of.
That was not the end either.
I found it hard to get over it, especially in the first few days. I felt depressed whenever I thought of it, and I was also shocked at my vulnerability against such things.
I talked to several friends about that, and they told me not make a fuss.
"Just ignore whatever this person said, you know you what he/her said is not true. "
"I thought you never care about others' opinions! Remember how you comforted me when I ran into the same thing last time?"
My goodness. It is always easier to talk about stuff as a bystander. It doesn't help at all.
Anyway, if it was not the warning sent by the blog contest to remind me of my qualification for continuing the competition, I would never think of returning to this site. And during the long time in which I was absent from my blog, I viewed too many vicious comments from different celebrities' microblogs, making me really wonder about the mental health status of many people.
I'm really curious about the motives of those individuals who tend to verbally-hurt people online. Anonymity of course plays a pivotal role in it, but am I the only one who thinks it is never right to hurt people's feelings, no matter under what circumstances? Obviously not. Moreover, the fifth episode of South Park Season 19 already told us how stupid and ridiculous to depend on such "safe spaces" for comfort and protection.
However, the warm greetings from my new friends on this blog convinced me of the goodness of people. I soon wrote a new blog post, sharing my cherished moments with my boyfriend on the first day of the New Year. I stayed up late until 3 am just to complete the blog post that night. I felt gracious and lucky towards his company and wanted to express my feelings by my words. I thought I could see this site as an outlet, because not many people visit this site.
Then, several days later, the hater appeared again. "Your headline is Chinglish and loses a lot in translation", the same person commented.
Wait, I'm sorry, who are you again, mysterious guy/ girl? I major in English Translation and my bf is a native speaker teaching English in China, and who are you to judge? Do you think your comment makes any sense? Hello??? You are off topic.
Anyway, I got to know from the incident that abnormal people exisit in every corner of the world. Relax, take it easy. It is indeed quite tough to deal with such ridiculous things.
"Haters hate us, coz they ain't us."
No matter how good you are, someone is always going to be against you, but never let them be the limit of your success. Be who you want to be and no need to care about what others think. Remember, people who try to bring you down are already below you.
I hope there will be a next time, Victoria. Please don't let a bully shut you up. That means they win!
Incidentally: you can catch Newtown in mistakes. If you call him/her on it, you will gain his/her respect. Once you put him/her in place, things will be much better.
Looking forward to reading your next post.
I am happy that you are feeling better. I agree that it is hard when the high road doesnt seem to work.
I think I understand your opinions very well. However, here the thing is, first of all, his upsetting words had troubled me for quite a long time (in my sensitive and vulnerable stance) and the other high road didn't work for me. I also need an outlet, just like Newtown picked up on me as one for any reason I don't know and don't care. Secondly, like I said above in this blog that I didn't expect many people to see my post therefore never took into consideration Newtown's feelings (Also because what he shows right now suggests that his strong heart towards this). Anyway, if it did hurt him or makes him depressed, that was not within my intention. I wrote this not for trying to win others' simpathy for me and joint denunciation to him. Also I was exceptionally depressed and furious when I was writing the blog and my mood now is getting closer to a healthy balance. Still, your ideas make a lot sense. Thanks.
I guess the first time to cope with such things is the most tough one...I can do better in the future.Thank you
Thank you! That does make me feel so much better, I should have seen it at least 20 days earlier.
It was just scary to know that someone you don't know was like . monitoring you, and may appear anytime and mock you once you take any movement. When I look back at this post after nearly a month, I feel I was too easy to be affected or manipulated and this is terrifying. But at the same time, while being troubled by the attacks, it did serve me as a must to reconsider my word when I was about to post anything new, for I know that there would be someone waiting to pick up on my weak spots. Anyway, I think I can do better next time, if there would be one next time.
When I examin myself again after all those what happened, I do have to admit though reluctantly that I'm too sensitive towards "unfriendly comments". This is my very weakness. Thanks for pointing it out and offering advice.
Very well done to @HailChina! for correctly spelling Newtown's nom de guerre and big ups for providing the "dyslexia" English variant of the Spanish spelling for this word. I am sure that you are very well positioned in terms of your own economic and class status to be able to judge those beneath you. Definitely maybe.
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pepper.
There are different types of dyslexia. And you should not make fun of the silent disability. It has nothing to do with being a slow learner anyway - it is a difference in the way the brain works.
It may be socioeconomic or class culture that explains Newtowns lack of manners. Lower socio economic people are often less easily offended and sometimes they do not expect people to take great offense over a playful insult. Maybe that is it.
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain?
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