After releasing my shoulders from the pains of my heavy backpack when I got home, I jumped into bed with my phone, ready to spend a relaxing evening - starting by checking what others did on Wechat moments.

It was just the same ordinary evening as usual after a full day’s studying at school.

“Next time when you plan to talk ill behind somebody’s back ,could you please look around first to see whether the target is around?” One girl in my class had just posted this on her Wechat moments.

Oops, that’s embarrassing, I talked to myself. Curious to find out who was caught speaking ill in front of her, and also what was said, I commented beneath her post,“Are you alright? What happened? How could someone be mean enough to do such a thing?”

As I waited for the reply, I received a message from Shirley, a friend I shared many of my classes with.She is a girl who is always being nice to others and good at hiding her own feelings, and she would never express her discontent to other people in her life. Well, she did express her dissatisfaction about her roommates to me very often, although she still seems to get on well with them, (at least her roommates think so). She rarely turned down her acquaintances when they asked for her help, and I believe that the reason why she turned me down very often is because we were too familiar with each other, to the extent that she had nothing to hide from me.

Well, maybe something. And I won’t doubt that.

“Vic, I’ve been wondering whether to tell you this for the whole afternoon, but I figured I just have to, despite how it may ruin our friendship.” What a daunting beginning to a normal conversation. My right eyelid started to twitch.“I really treat you as my true friend, so I did take our friendship seriously. And now I’m hurt.”

Oh no,where did I go wrong? I was struck by confusion, all of a sudden.

“I’d rather be as innocent and childish as a teenager than to behave as an adult, wear a fake smile and conceal all the spite deep down in my heart. I want to say sorry if I did something wrong to irritate you. Anyway, after all we went through together during the course of the year, I still have no regrets about meeting you. Alright, so I’m gonna occupy my own seat in class from now on, so that you will not be bothered by me any more. That’s all - ah, wait, I hope you all the best. (Flower emoticons).”

I was terrified. I know I always have a big mouth and never able to fulfill my duty of keeping girls’ little secrets,but I would never reveal any sensitive ones to others, or so I thought? For the next thirty minutes, I was lost in thought, searching the names of all the people I’ve talked to and what exactly I had told them, as long as they are related to Shirley.

Then I called another friend Lana, whom I remember complaining a lot about Shirley with, especially when she forced me to help her cheat during the Japanese test the week before. Forced by our friendship, that is. I also mentioned her double personalities in her relationship with her other five roommates, just to condemn how hypocritical she is. And of course, I never expected Lana would tell anyone else about that. She’s just not that type of girl. She must know the importance of keeping secrets only between us. She must!

“Are you sure you didn’t tell anyone else about our conversation last time? Are you sure there’s no way Shirley heard anything bad about herself from other sources? Well, I’m not saying that I don’t trust you. I know you would never do that. I’m just... I just can’t understand why she would send such a resentful message to me if she didn’t know I was talking ill about her behind her back, which I know is a pretty dumb thing to do...”

“Er...”

“Oh man, don’t tell me you did!”

“I only told two of my roommates, Jessie and Lily, and they are of no harm! They wouldn’t tell others!”

“Damn, how could you be so sure? I trusted you and I would never expect you would tell others!”

“I happened to meet them when we departed with each other that evening,and we walked back together to our dorm...”

“So you just shared our secrets with them?”

“I’m sorry! But they really wouldn’t tell others...”

“Uh-huh ,really?”

“Would they...?” Her voice started to sound uncertain.

“You shouldn’t have trusted them, just like I shouldn’t be this certain about you keeping our secrets.” I couldn’t feel more disappointed.

She fell silent.

And I was embarrassed too.

It was entirely my fault. I’m just not a good friend, nor a grown-up girl. I wasn’t on the cast of the American TV show Gossip Girl either. And what I did humiliated myself, I was just as immature as the girls whom I hated in primary school. Although Shirley is not as decent and kind as she looks like from her appearance, I still should not have shared my judgments with others. I really hurt her feelings. I just deserve it.

I hung up my phone, throwing my body back to the pillows and soft covers in the bed. I wanted to give out a long sigh, but I couldn’t. It was like something got stuck in my throat, making it hard to breathe.

“Are you okay?”I tried to send a message to Shirley on Wechat.

Noooo, I deleted it right before it is sent.

What should I do? I’m agitated. I wish she could just embarrass me right to my face, curse me or something. That would make me feel even better.

Before going to sleep that night, I finally managed to send her a message. In truth, it was more like a little composition. I talked a lot about what we went through together and those fun moments we had together during the whole year after we became friends, hoping to save our friendship.I also expressed my apologies for anything inappropriate I may did, without mentioning the awkward fact that I complained about her to others. It was just too humiliating.

When I woke up the next morning, I thought I already lost a friend until I noticed a new message on my Wechat.

“I’m sorry for not replying to you last night and also for those stupid words I texted. I was being a bit extreme yesterday and I didn’t mean it that way. Ehh, just ignore it. By the way, the length of your message is really touching (smiley face emoticon)”

Thank goodness for that.

Back off, gossip girls.

Back off, the most shameful side of me.

P.S.This is a real story happened recently in my life,which is quite embarrassing.Anyway,though little exaggeration was made in it,I believed that it met the requirement of "Practice" given by this English Blogging Contest.

Victoria Zhou

24 November,2015