Most likely you reader, whoever you are, will assume my mistakes occur in China, the foreign country where I am living for a spell. Unfortunately for me, my mistakes have been made in both my home country and here. When I fail to communicate here, it is because I don’t know the language. But in the United States I speak English quite well; in fact, my vocabulary is quite extensive. Yet, I still fail to communicate. Recently I have entertained emails with my healthcare provider like speeding bullets from rival camps, many of which seem to repeat the same information. You say, ah, I see, healthcare. Yes, America’s Achilles’ Heel. I failed to sign up for Medicare. My pension check has been reduced, as a consequence, to something like the meal leftovers you toss to the dog. I have been told to go to the Medicare website and……. But I am in China and I cannot access the Medicare website. “I did try to sign up for Medicare within the window of acceptable sign up times, but the computer locked up and…” and, well, I flew back to China. “I never received any notice about Medicare signup dates,” I plead. So, with my head in my hand, er, I mean “hat in my hand,” I go to China Post to send a form changing my healthcare plan to something lesser, more affordable until I am able to sign up for Medicare. A new “window” for signing up begins in January 2015. I dread going to China Post. My little translator isn’t always correct concerning the Mandarin colloquial as I found out from a cab driver who corrected my word for “airport.” I tell the postal clerk, I want to send this air mail. I show her my translator which now doesn’t have the audio because the battery is low and I bought the wrong battery size. I just keep digging myself in deeper. After much going back and forth between the woman (not the usual clerk as I soon realize to my horror), and some guys filling out forms to send large bags of whatever. I am told it is 6 yuan. That doesn’t seem correct. It is too little for international airmail. This clerk cannot give me a receipt with tracking info because she doesn’t know how to use the computer for this. I pray that somehow this gets to its destination. So, I leave to face my other “mistake” here in China. I failed to get a gas card. Now, my cooking gas is turned off. My landlord tried to have the gas company give me the appropriate card but well, it never happened. I am not trying to avoid paying. Really, I am not. I simply cannot deal with this mess. I am going to Lotto Mart to buy an electric induction cooker, or what I think is a fancy hot plate. After I open the box, I locate the directions which are in Mandarin. They say Einstein could not do basic arithmetic. Not to compare myself to Einstein but I can’t seem to do Life.