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Why you want to become someone else? Why cannot you be just yourselves?

Popularity 10Viewed 7404 times 2015-10-23 18:59 |Personal category:Life|System category:Life| Just


This blog post is completely different from my previous posts. Today, I am not going to talk more about China but about a growing problem among many people. This phenomenon has always been there but now it looks in much larger proportion among ourselves.

There was a time, when I faced loneliness and wanted someone besides me just to talk. This was not a good feeling but soon I have developed a mechanism to cope up with it. I have started to invest time in writing, painting and reading whenever I felt such situation. Now, I no longer feel such situation. But, I have realized the need to help others who might be in the same situation as mine and unable to speak up due to various reasons. It is true that in today's times, we tend to hide our true-selves behind the curtains of social media, pleasant looking pictures or just looking at virtual happiness. So the need to speak and reflect our true inner-self is necessary, even if this 

Often this does not happen because people do not trust others in sharing some information. This can be often a break-up, work stress or simply uncontrolled emotions. No one at present wants to look weaker and this prohibit us to share such darker side of ours. It can gets worse, if the person keep sitting on it for a longer duration. Sharing just heals and liberates our mind.

Few months ago, I have joined a listeners website '7 cups of tea', which allows anyone to speak up about his/her problem without revealing the identity. At the same platform, many people like me are voluntarily giving our ears as listeners to those in need. This entire platform connects those who need help and those who wants help. The entire conversation is always anonymous. I can never know other person and vice versa is also true. So, I can only listen and try to understand his/her situation from the texts being typed in the chat box. 

I have improved my listening capability and felt great to listen many people in past few months.  However, there is something which disturbs me a lot and I came across this very often. After thinking for a long time on question of writing this in public or not, it is time that you can also be aware of this. 

There were many guys who were depressed in life and felt that they will not be able to become something they wanted to be. When I have asked, why you think so? They told, everyone around them is successful, getting love from others and moving in the life. Again, I asked, aren't you moving in life? Many person replied, that they are not.  I cannot dilute more information here from such conversations. But, all I found is that people were so obsessed by becoming celebrities, becoming the photo shoot person. At 3 years ago, they saw a person with nice smile fighting a immigrant case and they enrolled for the law school. Now, in the 2nd year, they do not see a future in law because this is what they never wanted to do. They quit the law school and tried aspiring for movie, because movie stars always gets every kind of publicity. It also did not work out and then they tried something else and something else. Now, they are under huge depression and still feel that other people are better. The social media picture of others humiliate them everyday and they just do not see any value in their own life. I am refraining myself from giving more information about such cases. 

In all, I could not understand why people want to become someone else? Why they cannot be just themselves? 

Has anyone of you has answer to my question 'why people want to become someone else?' 'why they cannot be just themselves?'

(Opinions of the writer in this blog don't represent those of China Daily.)

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Reply Report voice_cd 2015-10-26 09:20
Thanks for sharing your story here. We have highlighted your blog.
Reply Report SEARU 2015-10-26 10:39
I always think other people are better than me and just for this reason I often feel happy!
By the way, about “becoming the photo shoot person”--------
                           becoming the photo shooting person?
Reply Report HelianthusEuphy 2015-10-26 12:17
i always think others are happy by what they share on the network. They either have a thoughtful companion or a fulfilling job, a bright future. However, i just work here lonely, and always feel lonely and want to talk someone but do not know talk to who. Every body is busy, it seems no one would be willing to stop to listen to me . Maybe the next time, i feel lonely, i can invest time in painting and learning language just like you.
Reply Report Dracarys 2015-10-26 21:34
maybe some people think it's easy to live that let other's dream be theirs let other's goal to be theirs goal let other's thoughts to be theirs ..
Reply Report enlighting 2015-10-31 20:07
voice_cd: Thanks for sharing your story here. We have highlighted your blog.
Thank you for allowing me to share my view points.
Reply Report enlighting 2015-10-31 20:08
SEARU: I always think other people are better than me and just for this reason I often feel happy!
By the way, about “becoming the photo shoot person ...
Well, you are right. But, it is just the kind of English, I have seen uses photo shoot, instead of photo shooting.
Reply Report enlighting 2015-10-31 20:14
HelianthusEuphy: i always think others are happy by what they share on the network. They either have a thoughtful companion or a fulfilling job, a bright future. Howev ...
Well, it is difficult to many to stay lonely. They want to be social and take initiative to start a conversation, but it is increasingly becoming difficult. Our life is more occupied by the machines and attractive technology coming with it. In a way, we are faking our life to other people.
I am sure, you can always find people, if you want to speak. There are many like you, who are willing to talk to others, if given an opportunity.
If nothing works out, than find peace in solitude. We all came alone in this life and we all go alone :) so enjoy it solitude too.
Reply Report enlighting 2015-10-31 20:17
Dracarys: maybe some people think it's easy to live that let other's dream be theirs let other's goal to be theirs goal let other's thoughts to be theirs ..
Not some, I must say,  many people think like that.
Reply Report Dracarys 2015-10-31 21:03
enlighting: Not some, I must say,  many people think like that.
then I don't know about it..
Reply Report 1397609108 2015-12-7 22:45
It's harder to love yourself than love others. Because we always notice others' advantages and ignore the merits of ourselves. What's more, we prefer to compare our deficiencies with others' good virtue. Although we are easy to find out that we are making the same mistakes ,it's difficult for us to be more confident on ourselves and love ourselves.
Reply Report samlam 2015-12-30 09:36
good views in talking about young people's growing.
Reply Report enlighting 2015-12-30 22:22
samlam: good views in talking about young people's growing.
Thanks!
Reply Report enlighting 2015-12-30 22:22
1397609108: It's harder to love yourself than love others. Because we always notice others' advantages and ignore the merits of ourselves. What's more, we prefer  ...
Excellent point!
Reply Report RonJaDa 2016-9-19 04:32
Great blog enlighting!  Well thought out and very enlightening.

In my opinion here are some reasons why people are obsessed with being someone else

1) They have been too busy trying to live their lives to the expectations of others - and don't know where to begin.
2) They were brought up humble and to pay respect to others, sometimes leading to feelings of inferiority
3) They are so focused on doing and working they never pause to understand what they want out of life.
4) They are living in a bad situation and have not reached bottom yet there life can be a constant search for escape from reality.

At some point in our lives we must take responsibility for our life and work on improving our lot.  Some ways of doing this  are
1) Think about what does the person get passionate about (music, photography, painting, participating in support groups to help others)  If we find out what we are passionate about and what brings real pleasure it is a step in the right direction.

2) How do we connect with our inner self  (hiking, swimming, kayaking, walks along the beach, perching on a rock and listening to the waves, birds and other sounds and other sensory input)

3) Social skills - One eyeopener I had about 30 years ago (Yes I was about 30) was I took an assertiveness training course
It started by the instructor asking who in the class has met a real snob (someone that acts as if they are better than us)
Everyone in the class put there hands up
Well the same result was given for knows someone at work that is a snob, a relative etc.
Then the instructor asked who in this room has been told they are a snob a few people put their hands up
Then he asked who in this room thinks other people think that they are snobs again a few people put their hands up.

Then the instructor explained 95% of the time when you think someone is being a snob with you, that person also thinks you are being a snob.           WoW!

We can learn to like ourselves by getting involved in things we are passionate about.
Once we start to like ourselves more we will find that other people like us too.
With an additional focus on developing social skills, we will often like who we are and see steps we can take to improve who we are by developing new interests and skills, or taking a course in something we thought was out of reach just for fun.

Thanks again great blog post!
Reply Report enlighting 2016-9-27 19:13
RonJaDa: Great blog enlighting!  Well thought out and very enlightening.

In my opinion here are some reasons why people are obsessed with being someone else

...
Agree, but once again, we are influenced very much by external factors. These factors ask us to follow certain path to become someone. No offense, but everyone likes to be successful and when they see some people becoming successful by following a certain path, everyone tend to follow it. Now, that sound ridiculous but it is still a path. So, if people who are successful can tell others to find their own path, I believe things can be better. What do you think?
Reply Report RonJaDa 2016-9-28 01:59
I agree advisors need to share experiences good and bad, but also advise people to find and follow their own path.

Like when people that are famous actors and actresses, tell people how they should vote
well just because they know how to act and got lucky breaks does not mean they are the fountain of knowledge.
Likewise as you say, just because the path was successful for them it does not mean it  will be for others

They need to share their strategies that can be applied to your own dream or path and we must remember  paths take unexpected changes sometimes we need to follow those changes too.

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  • Why you want to become someone else? Why cannot you be just yourselves? 2016-9-28 01:59

    I agree advisors need to share experiences good and bad, but also advise people to find and follow their own path.

    Like when people that are famous actors and actresses, tell people how they should vote
    well just because they know how to act and got lucky breaks does not mean they are the fountain of knowledge.
    Likewise as you say, just because the path was successful for them it does not mean it  will be for others

    They need to share their strategies that can be applied to your own dream or path and we must remember  paths take unexpected changes sometimes we need to follow those changes too.

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