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Why Your Spouse Shouldn't Be Your Best Friend.

Popularity 2Viewed 1198 times 2014-5-23 10:21 |System category:News| marriage, wedding, because, someone, people

It's a romantic idea to marry your best friend. I've heard people say at their wedding and even years after that their marriage is so good because they married their best friend. It makes sense, right? If you marry someone that you get along so well with then you think you'd be less likely to have as many arguments. You're also more likely to enjoy more things with them.  But deep inside I can't help but chuckle to myself when I hear someone say that I married my best friend. I chuckle because as a counselor, I see so many bad things about this. Let me explain:
 
You Shouldn't Want Your Spouse to be Your Best Friend   1) Your Spouse Should be Your Lover, Not Your Best Friend. Being a lover is a sacred thing. It's above and beyond friendship - even a best friend. It means that you care about someone so much that you want to share things with them that you can't share with anyone else. You share intimate moments with them and trust that they will hold you safe and protect your intimate details. In return, they do this for you. And together you share a relationship that transcends simple friendship. And the new category of your relationship can only be defined as pure love. You don't share this kind of relationship with anyone else - not even your best friend. And you don't want to anyway. It would violate the relationship you and your lover have.    2) You Shouldn't Want to Have Sex With Your Best Friend. A marriage is a passionate, intimate and sexual relationship. A relationship with your best friend is platonic and shouldn't be sexual (if it is, you need to tell your spouse about it). If your spouse is only your best friend, then you're not treating them like a spouse. Spouses are supposed to share a more intimate connection with each other. If you're treating your spouse like a best friend, then you're negating this key part of your relationship.    3) There Are Some Things You Just Shouldn't Talk to Your Spouse About. Guys, your wife doesn't want to be treated like one of the boys. If you want to talk about football, statistics and about cars, etc. you're tainting the sacred relationship of being a lover. That's what you have friends for. Gals, the same goes for you. Your husband doesn't want to hear about cutesie outfits or relationship gossip that's going around the office. That's what your girlfriends are for. If you're treating your husband like a girlfriend you're not treating him like the lover that he wants to be treated like. And guys, if you're treating your wife like one of the guys you're not treating her like the lover that she wants to be treated like. Draw boundaries and talk about friend stuff with your friends and talk about lover stuff with your lover. There's some crossover but if you're talking to your spouse mostly about the same stuff you talk with your friends about, you're not treating your relationship like a marriage.   4) Your Spouse Shouldn't Come and Go like a Best Friend. I'm willing to bet you that your best friend has changed over time. I'm willing to bet that you had a different best friend in elementary school than you did in high school. And maybe you had a different best friend in college than you do right now. Even though you may still think fondly of all the best friends you had, over time you went through spells of losing touch with them. But your spouse is someone that you should never lose touch with. If you have, you're not treating them like a spouse. Spouses are always trying to get to know each other more and more. They do new things together and explore life together through sickness and health and until death do you part.    Being a Spouse is Different than a Best Friend. 

There are distinct boundaries between being a friend and being a spouse. Even though you may have dear thoughts and feelings of your best friend your spouse should be even more near and dear to you.  The four things mentioned above are just a few excellent examples of how you should treat your spouse differently than even your best friend. It's a romantic idea to marry your best friend. And I hope everyone married someone with best friend qualities. But a happy marriage is built on more than just friendship. And when you start treating your spouse as more than just a best friend - and start treating them like a spouse and lover - then you'll see real love and romance (not just friendship) in your marriage.   

(Opinions of the writer in this blog don't represent those of China Daily.)


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Reply Report ColinSpeakman 2014-5-23 13:31
If you take as your spouse someone who was your best friend, you just lost a best friend! You might need a best friend later!
Reply Report KONMEY 2014-5-23 19:05
ColinSpeakman: If you take as your spouse someone who was your best friend, you just lost a best friend! You might need a best friend later!
   This is a story of sadness...
Reply Report 财神 2014-5-23 21:02
Always Same spouse? monotonous!
Reply Report KONMEY 2014-5-26 10:04
财神: Always Same spouse? monotonous!
But you will eventually find your destination.

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