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robertcheng
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Can one love two grils ?

One is my frist lover . She is a kind-hearted , gentle and considerate  girl .we had good golden days when we're in  the  senior school . Unfortunately,  the college entrance examination  separated  us from diferent universities . We're still contacting with each other by sending short messages, chatting on the internet. But she is so far from me that I can't get together with her .

   The other is my college classmate , also my good female friend.  she has a characteristics of  laughing  .We often stay  together .
  Recently I found I had affection on my  classmate . I like the way she talks , the expression no her face ,especially when she got angry . I'd like to stay with her . Sometimes I even had the desire of asking her to be my girlfriend, but everytime I swallowed my words.  If I did  that , I would feel sorry to my first lover.
What should I do ? Maybe I should be loyal to  my former girlfriend  and hide the ridiculous idea of asking my college friend to be my girlfriend deep in my heart for good.

2005-4-14 12:56 PM

demi618 (fish on shore)
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the truth hurts, but it is true. boys surely can do that

i was brought and grew up with my two brothers. we share a rare kind of intimacy and relationship. and they are nice guys, i say that not because they are my brothers, but because many girls told me so and i really can feel their trheir kindness and gentle and humor and also good-looking face. but one day when i got confused by some questions concerning with love. their answers startle me. they both have more than one gf. and they told me they love all of them, coz they all have nice personality. and they have unique characters, although i can understand what they mean, i am totally confused , coz i find it incredible to love more than one person at the same time. is it possible for both men and women, or only for men ? my heart sinks whenever i recall what they told me, because they are perfect brothers in my eyes but how can they sincerely say 'i love you " at 7 o'clock, and make it with another one at 9 o'clock. and they think their reasons are convincing enough, coz it is human nature that people like nice people, pursuing beauty. but i find they do not make any sense. confused. and i am afraid that since if even they think and do things this way , how can i trust other boys as my bf or even further relationship??

2005-4-14 01:23 PM

soviet (soviet)
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Sure, but you can only marry one.

Don't take concubines. It's on par with polygamy.

2005-4-14 01:56 PM

joezhang (joezhang)
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re:Can one loves two grils ?

If you have enough money and time,you could love two or more gilrs at the same time.But,I must notice you that it is a tired thing.Because you must use feelings and money at all time.I still remember one of my best friends,Xiao Li,who "loves" three girls,one of them is his wife, at the same time,maybe he is so-called the wise-man in love.But at last he spent out all his money and all girls left him finally.
Is it wise to love two or more girls at the same time?My answer is NO!Do you think so?

2005-4-15 01:00 PM

yg-liz
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re:can one loves two girls

If u put u r self on the position of one of the two girl's role,what will u think?
If u think tht u will be very happy~(on the premise tht u love a girl very much from u r heart~and the girl also tells u tht she loves u truly~but meanwhile,she also lets u know tht she is loving another man~what do u feel?If u say:tht's ok~no problem~then u can do tht~Just do it~

2005-4-15 02:11 PM

robertcheng
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Thanks for your opinions . I will be rational and do the right thing !

2005-4-17 02:15 PM

iamamelie
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i bet u love your classmates, let the past be the past!!! u can never stick to y

i think that there are many very different kind of ppl in the world, some can only deeply love one person once in their life, some seems never moved, never falling, and some are able to love many ppl. The first kind, their love are deep, strong, forever, kind of stubborn. The second kind, the selfish ppl do not have love, The third kind which mostly believe in love at the first sight, they probably very much love human-being, theres just too much love . but i wonder how deep is these love?.

2005-4-25 01:29 AM

selrahc (peace, nature and lo)
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One can love hundreds of girls throughout his lifetime, cum on, two girls ?

You can also love four or five girls at the same times, but make sure they live in different cities !

2005-4-25 01:35 AM

markwu
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love

your parents first and the rest will resolve itself when the time comes.

2005-4-25 09:48 AM

robertcheng
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One can love many girls , but the loves on those girls are not the same !

One can love several girls for diverse reasons , such as for ture love , for her beauty , for loneliness.
But I hold that man should lay him love on the girl that will be the companion for his whole life . If you loved hundreds of girls , how could you be loyal to your love ?

2005-4-25 01:21 PM

#10

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...Gift

You are smart, know the best way to handle your problem.
Frankly, I think people should be loyal and constant to love, it means that people should have only one as his final lover.
      The moment when you find the third one come to your circle, it implies that your heart turned toward another one, not means that you fall in love with two girl at the same time.
      Don't decieve yourself, you should distinguish which one is your best lover.  In this world, things always have two sides,  don't think you are shameful for your mistake. You should have more courage to face your real constant love!
         When you miss your collegemate, you will regret...Believe me/

2005-4-26 02:30 PM

#11

robertcheng
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It's really a head-scratched case : I like to see the laughing face of my colle

I feel strong affection on my collegemate now , for I can see her everyday . But I couldn't summon the courage to tell this fact to the far-away girl who shared joys and sorrow with me during my three-year senior school life. Maybe she still live in my heart, everytime when she made a call or sent a message to me I would be involved in missing her for a long time .
Sometime I even thought about escaping from the reality , But I knew that was unrealistic .
Is the best way for me to solve the problem without hurting anyone of us three to keep solitary ?

2005-4-26 07:13 PM

#12

pest-control (Pest Control)
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joezhang, right up the top, is the correct one.

1: Choose one. Lose one.

2: Lose both, Lose two.

---------------------------------------
It will not work, it never works, it never can work.

Sure, while you have money, you can fool yourself with 2.3.4.5 but in the end, the answer will be, lose 2, lose 3, lose 4 and so on.

It is tough, you do not want to choose, but you must.

OR OF COURSE.

Do not choose and just wait to lose both and see who the next one is.

2005-4-26 07:27 PM

#13

robertcheng
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Oh, the words you said is reasonable , just like words from a philosopher .

I highly appreciate your words . You must be a person with numerous experiences I have never had . Is that right ?

2005-4-26 07:44 PM

#14

pest-control (Pest Control)
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Robert Cheng

Yes, your right Robert, it is from one who knows what will happen.

You can not win.

Many older men, who have the same experience will tell you the same thing, you may think you can win, but alas, it will not work.

Lose two or choose one and then maybe lose the one you choose.

Only with money will it work and even so, much misery.

In the end, it will not work, as i said, you can not win.

It is because, like many men, you like the smile and the laughter and maybe the attitude of A: but you like the warmth and the friendship of B: but if you meet C: she may be all the things that A nd B are not and so you will be drawn to her, until you see D: who is drop dead pretty and can sing and can dance and you will be taken by her until you see E: who cares for you and cuddles you and worries you are safe and not sick and cooks the best food ever............................

That is why you can not win Robert...............

Because God made no PERFECT woman, just a variety and all will LACK something and all will HAVE something.

But in the end, even with money, that will fail, as most girls, will want their own man, even if you have money and she will leave you.

Trouble is, most will leave you, right when you need them most.

AsI said, CHOOSE ONE and take the result, come what may.

or

CHOOSE neither and eat the flack.

OR lose both and see who comes next.

But can you win, no you can't win.

So, you must do the best you can.

I can give you some advice that is good advice.

******************

Choose the one with the SOFTER TEMPER, choose the one who gets less angry, choose the one who is more calm.

WHY. ?

Because as they get OLDER, they get more angry.

:))))))))

2005-4-26 08:32 PM

#15

pest-control (Pest Control)
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More for Robert Cheng

Humour required.

Passion lasts for a few years.

Love lasts for a few more years.

NO WOMAN WILL STAY WITH YOU IF YOU HAVE NO MONEY.

Forever is 7 years.

I will love you always is 6.5 years.

But friendnship and respect, may last 80 years.

So.........................

If you must choose ( which maybe you are better to wait )....

If you must choose, choose the one who LIKES you.

Choose the one who RESPECTS you.

Choose the one who is your FRIEND.

and..................

The one with the best nature, the softer temper, the more calm one.

And Robert.................................

Good Luck.........................

PS. THE MOTHER.

THE MOTHER Robert.

If you do not like either Mother, get rid of that girl.

The DAUGHTER is always the same as the MOTHER.

So.............if the mother is trouble, so will the daughter be trouble.

If the mother is nice, strong chance the daughter stays the same as the mother.

The Mother is a good and tried and proved GAUGE and GUIDE to the daughter.

But if both Mothers are nice, you are in the same trouble as at the top of the page.

Go back to square one.

)))))))))))))))

2005-4-26 08:47 PM

#16

robertcheng
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For pest -control

Firstly, I'd like to thank pest -control  for givng  the enlightened remarks to me .

  You are absolutely an intellectual man  from whom I'm so lucky to secure some suggestions .

  You are right that God makes no perfect woman  . For me, also for    most  of  men  ,certainly desire a partner who owns good personalities and character, and the more, the better . It's perfect that I'd like to make everything , including me love . Maybe It's the reason why I fluctuate between the two girls and can't make a decision .

  By the way , can a mother's temper  reflect her daughter's qualities and behaviors ?

2005-4-27 07:23 PM

#17

pest-control (Pest Control)
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Robert

" By the way , can a mother's temper reflect her daughter's qualities and behaviors ? "
-------------------------

100% or better still make that 100000000000000000 % just to be sure.

If the father of that girl, the mothers husband, is treated like dirt or worse, so for sure, will you be treated the same.

If the mother is nasty or has a mean streak, so too will the daughter.

I had a son get married only two weeks ago, he is 24 and I interfered with the first time he tried to get married, he was 20 but this time my older sister said to me, do not interfere, no matter how much you love him, because it is his life to live not mine and as much as I would prefer to live his life for him, as all the mistakes I have already made, I can not and in the end I did not, I had to surrender and let him go, the point being, that I know in 3 to 7 years, I will have to be there to save him from the misery of divorce and sure divorce is " NOT CERTAIN " but it is highly " probable."

Fathers who love their son's too much, suffer terribly.

Fathers, who have lived long and interesting lives, who love their son's too much, suffer a fate far worse than any torture.

Terrible suffering.

With women, they change Robert, they are one way when they are 16-19 then they change again around 24-27 and then again at about 32-34, the point is, what you see with your eyes in that 18-20 year old now, is
" NOT " what you will get and have as your wife at 35 years old, she will change and she will change much, but you will change little, you will remain much as you are now, until the day you die, situations and circumstances may influence your nature, more hard or more soft, but the basics of Robert will not change, but " ABSOLUTELY SHE WILL ".

Robert, you say above, men are not perfect, well yes, that is 100% correct and that is why trouble comes, men are very imperfect, men have much wrong with them, you need a women, who knows you are faulty and loved you for it, you need a woman who understands you are not perfect, and that you can and will make mistakes, she after all should be your friend, over and above all other things and friends will accept you with the faults, no matter how many and sorry to say, but the more strong the man, the more good the man, the more faults he will have.

Men are very faulty beings, be sure of it and some women want or need or desire to " CORRECT " the faults in a man, this is a grave and fatal error, terminal for a marriage, as men who have faults, remain that way until they die, the woman, must love you with YOUR FAULTS, because they are never going to go away.

If your father loves you dearly, forgive him for his actions as he tries to protect you from things that will hurt you, until he closes his eyes and waves his hands and let's you go.........poor fathers.

Anyway, Robert, as the girl is most probably 19-21 she will change again ( two times ) each time worse than the first time, this is why you want the softest nature, the more easy going girl, the one who forgives all your imperfections the most, DO NOT MARRY THE ONE YOU LOVE, love is not enough Robert, DO NOT MARRY FOR PASSION, passion is not enough Robert, it will cool and then will become " ICE " pure " ICE ".

Love also turns to hate Robert, they are close relatives.

This is YOUR life you are thinking about here Robert.

You can be rich and you can lose the money and you can win it back again, over and over, you can win 1000 times, you can be king many times, you can fail at school and still end up the richest man China ever saw, but one bad marriage can and most often will destroy you, if you survive a bad marriage, you will be hurt and be bitter and forever you will be more cold when maybe you would have been warm.

Women can destroy you Robert, men can only injure you, slightly.

You are very lucky and most fortunate she is a Chinese girl, they have more quality and are more tough and sturdy and reliable, but just the same they will do things that females do.

So, you want the most soft one and you need to verify you are not being cheated by a study of the mother, check your sources, verify, is she just making me think she is COOL, CALM and WARM, or is she about to explode and destroy my whole life.

So, Robert, choose the girl with the mother who is most nice, if both mothers are horrid, choose neither, no matter what.

Choose the girl with the softest and most calm nature, calculate the two future changes and can you live with that and if you calculate that you can, fine, choose her, and maybe God decides to give you an even break and you stay married for the rest of your life, because if she is cool and calm, a nice nature, you are after all friends and you can adjust a little here and a little there and you will get by.

99% of Chinese woman are loyal and true, so that is not an issue.

Her nature, that is the issue, switch off the love and the passion and close your eyes to how pretty or soft she is and look deeper, look deep inside, would you like her, if you met her in the street, would you like to be stuck on an Island with her as the only other person, does she do things when she eats that drive you nuts, or things similar to that, because if she does, it will MAGNIFY x 1000 times in a marriage.

There is more Robert, much more, but that is enough to satisfy me, that because you looked to be a nice guy, you needed to be kept as safe as possible and I feel I have given you good and reliable and most of all, tried and verified and checked advice, you take care and remember only poor men are good men, so the more rich you become, consider her, whoever she is and remember also, that if you are similar ages, she will get older than you faster and you will retain your good looks, so , know that now, going into the relationship.

Remember, if you marry her, she becomes a wife and a mother and the other younger girls will always be more attractive, measure evrything, be fair, she marry's you, so she becomes a mother and a wife, the other girls are single, they will always look better, that is just the way it is.

Good luck Robert and good fortune to you.

Choose with a clear calm head, under no pressure.

Never allow TEARS to make YOU destroy YOUR life.

P.S. If you have GRANDMOTHERS, you could introduce her to them and use that EXTENDED extra verification, if she is trouble, 50% chance one of the Grandmothers will see it.

Have a good life Robert

-------------------------

Added:

Reading your first thread post again, I would say the first girl, you said she is gentle and considerate you said the second one gets angry, she will only get more angry, sorry Robert if I give too much advice.

--------------------------

Added 2:

Your thread is: Can you love 2 girls, well yes, that is the problem, you can love 4,000 all just as much as the other, but marriage, you can only marry one, that is where the " HOOK " is.

----------------------------

Added 3:

One girl is far away, probably very loyal to you, missing you, the other one is close at hand, instant warmth, step back Robert.

----------------------------

Added 4:

Maybe I should give you a 5 year loan interest free to go visit the first one.
Maybe that would give you an instant answer

---------------------------

Added 5:

I also hope like hell that you did not tell ONE about TWO or TWO about ONE, because if you told TWO about ONE that explains many things and DO NOT TELL ONE ABOUT TWO, ever.

---------------------------

Added 6:

You want a 5 year interest free loan to visit number one.

?

--------------------------------

2005-4-27 08:23 PM

#18

robertcheng
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Pest - control

Thanks !  I needn't a 5 years interest  free loan ,for I could see the first one every  vacation when I came back to my hometown.

By the way , Pest - control (maybe I should call you uncle pest -contorl, for I got to know you have a son at the age of 24  form your last post . ), and your nicked name of this forum is interesting . After reading the posts you had replied to , I nearly  deem you as my  idol.So I'm very interested in you and wanna get some acquaintance with you though It's very impolite .I feel terribly sorry to  ask your some private questions as following :
No.1 : Do you live in China now ?
No.2 : What do you do ?
Oh, It's too late , the lights in my dorm  will turn out after a while . Next time I will ask you more questions or send a message to you .Is that ok ? I hope I don't interrupt you .

2005-4-27 11:38 PM

#19

211club
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pest-control is a sage

oh my goodness, robert, please listen to pest-control!!!  i was also amazed at his wisdom.  obviously, he has lots of experiences in this area.

i've only been married just over two years now and can say that everything pest-control wrote is absolutely true, as far as i can see.  i wish pest-control was around for me five years ago ... it would have saved a lot of trouble.  luckily, i ended up with the right girl (but for all the wrong reasons).  thank God for having mercy on me, cause i could have been married to the other one, who i also loved but we would have destroyed each other, i think, maybe even grown to hate one another.

i agree you should go with number one.  she seems nicer.  think about this, if you were in the same city with number one and far away from number two, would you still miss number two?

the advice about the mothers is absolutely correct.

the advice about attractiveness is absolutely correct (there will always be prettier girls).

my father told me my mother changed so much over the years ... to become more like her mother.  it's true.  my father, on the other hand, has also changed.  he used to be poor, hard, and with a tiger's ambition ... now he is rich, soft, and like an old toothless lion.  (will this happen to me?  i'm already pretty soft!)  i love my parents both, and they love each other--i'm only observing.

i think this post should be made a recommended post.  every boy needs to read what pest-control wrote!!!  moderators, please!!!  have mercy on the next generation of chinese husbands!!!

i will continue to boost this post so every young man can read it.  thank you, pest-control.  you've done china a great service.

ts

2005-4-28 01:31 AM

#20

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