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abc_123

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Dating 101: How to Handle Rejection(e-c)practice

Dating 101: How to Handle Rejection
约会基础：如何应对拒绝

Five essential dating tips to stay confident after getting denied

下面是在你约会时被拒绝后保持自信的五点建议

By Dating coach David Wygant Special to Yahoo! Personals Updated: Sep 15, 2008

So there you are at the deli getting a ham sandwich, when that person you're attracted to comes and stands next to you at the counter. You've seen them over and over again, and you finally have the guts to turn and smile at them... and they do nothing in return. They almost look right through you like you don't exist.

  你在一家熟食店买火腿三明治，这时你的意中人来了，就站在销售柜台旁。你已经见过她/他许多次，终于，你有了胆量，转过身，朝她/他微笑...而她/他却毫无反应，就好像你是透明人一样看着你。

So you grab your ham sandwich and run out of there as quickly as you can, saying to yourself, "I will never do that again. This doesn't work." Is this the best way to deal with rejection? How do you personally deal with rejection? More importantly, are you someone who believes that if you become "good" at dating you will no longer get rejected?

  于是你抓起火腿三明治，以自己最快速度逃离现场，心里想着：“我再也不会那么做了。这没用” 这是对待拒绝的最好方法吗？你又是如何对待拒绝的？更重要的是，你相信自己如果成为约会“行家”后就再也不会遭到拒绝了吗？

The dating truth is that being able to deal with rejection is the key to being successful at going out and meeting singles. It's also not the ultra-significant event so many make it out to be. So here are five essential tips on how to handle rejection, which you need to embrace if you are going to have a full and successful dating life:

  约会的真理：能够处理拒绝是成功地走出去见单身者的关键。而且约会并不是一项很多人捏造的“超级重要”的活动。下面的五点是关于如何处理拒绝。如果你打算有一个丰富、成功的约会生活，那么你就需要去拥抱它们：

1. Change Your Dating Expectations. One of the first and most important things to understand is that no matter what you do, not everybody is going to respond positively to you. Not everyone you smile at will smile back at you. Not everyone you say hello to is going to say hello back to you.

1. 改变约会期望。首先要理解的也是最重要的一点是不论你做出什么行为，都不是每个人会对你做出积极反应。不是人人会在你对他们微笑的时候会回敬你一个微笑。不是你打招呼的每个人都回给你打招呼。

Stop expecting a positive response 100% of the time. Just because somebody did not smile back at you does not mean that you're not an attractive person or that you made a mistake by smiling. The only thing it means is that it did not work with that one person.

  停止去期待永远都能获得积极的反应。仅仅因为某个人不报以一笑，并不表示你没有魅力，也不表示你的笑是一个错误。唯一说明了的是它并没有对那个人起作用。

2. Life Is All About Rejection. Everything in life has rejection involved in it. If you're a salesperson who makes 10 sales calls, you may only get one or two people to say yes. A baseball player whose batting average is around 300 will likely end up in the Hall of Fame. A quarterback who can complete 55 percent of his passes is doing pretty well. Everything in life is about percentages. You don't quit simply because you experienced some rejection. Imagine if you stopped looking for work when your very first interview didn't result in a job offer. That would, of course, be ridiculous. Remember that you also need to keep going in your dating life when you're rejected, because you want to keep increasing your odds of success.

2. 生活处处是拒绝。生活中的每一件事中都包含了拒绝。如果你是一位销售人员，那么打10个销售电话也许只能获得1、2个肯定的答复。安打率有大约300的棒球选手就能进名人堂。完成55%传球的四分卫就做得相当不错。生活中的每一件事情都和百分比有关。不要仅仅由于经历了一些拒绝而放弃。想象一下，当你求职时第一次面试没有结果后就停止求职吧。当然，这是荒谬到记住，当你遭到拒绝，你还是继续约会，因为你希望的是不断增加成功几率。

3. Focus on Increasing Your Dating Odds. When you feel like you are getting more than your fair share of rejections, instead of focusing on those rejections, focus on increasing your odds of success. The fact is that by playing the percentages as I mentioned above, you will be successful.

3.关注于如何提高约会几率。当你感到自己的遭到拒绝数超出一般数值，那么不要把关注放在拒绝上，而是如何提高成功机会上。事实上，通过利用上面提到的百分比，那么你一定会成功。

The reason is that every time you take action -- every time you smile, say hello, or walk over and initiate a conversation -- you get better at it. If you're going to go out there and only talk to one person a day, then your chances of success are not going to be great. Increase your odds every single day and in everything you're doing.

  原因是：每一次你采取行动(微笑、打招呼、走上前主动搭讪)你的水平都会提高。如果你出去时，一天只和一个人说话，那么成功的机会就将不会好。每天在任何活动中都去提高几率。

4. Keep Things in Perspective. I hear some version of this from clients all the time: "What if I approach somebody, get rejected, and someone sees me? I'll never be able to go in that store again!" Get a little perspective here. Let me tell you something -- you're not front page news! When you're rejected, you need to just get over it. No one is talking about you. People are concerned about themselves and what is going on in their own lives, just as you are focused on what's going on in yours. So the fact that you get rejected in front of other people at the market, at the gym, or anywhere else is not a big deal to anyone but you.

4. 客观地看待问题。我总会听到客户大概说这样的话：“如果我接近某人，遭到拒绝，别人看见了我怎么办？我再也不能去那家商店了!" 请稍微客观看待。我要对你说的是，你又不是头版新闻人物!当你遭到拒绝后，你只要把它忘怀。没人会谈论你。正如你只会关注与你的生活中的事情一样，人们都在关心自己、关系自己生活中的问题。所以，在商场、在健身房或任何别的地方当着别人的面遭到拒绝后对别人不是什么大问题，除了对你之外。

5. Don't Overreact When Dating. The other thing I commonly hear from clients who have been rejected is some version of this: "I'm never going to talk to that person ever again now that I was rejected by them." This is not only a total overreaction, it is also absolutely the wrong thing to do. So you tried to talk to (or smile or look at) someone, and they didn't respond. As I mentioned above, there are a million possible reasons why that person did not respond to you. It doesn't necessarily mean that person wouldn't want to talk to you another time. If I smile at a woman and she doesn't respond, I don't play hide-and-go-seek the next time I see her. I am equally friendly to her the next time I see her, because you never know what will happen that second time. It's a different day. Put the last time behind you.

5. 对约会不要采取过激反应。我一般从遭到拒绝的客户那里听到的另一件事是类似这样的话：”既然我被他/她拒绝了，我再也不会和那个人说话“ 这不但算是一个完全过激的反应，而且绝对错误的行动。你曾经试着和那个人谈话（或微笑或使眼色），可是他/她没有回应。正如在上面所讲有一万个理由为什么那个人不给你回应。那不一定意味着那个人不愿意在另一个时间与你交谈。如果我朝一位女士微笑而她没有回应，那么下次见面我不会和她玩捉迷藏。下次我还以同样程度对她友好，因为谁也不知道第二次会发生什么情况。那又是不同的一天。将上一次经历抛在身后。

These are some ways to help you get over rejection. Realize that in order to get good at interacting with potential mates, you are going to get rejected. In fact, you want to get rejected every single day, because if you're not, it means you're not trying.

  这些是帮助你克服拒绝的方法。你要知道为了善于和潜在未来伴侣互动，你就一定会遭到拒绝。事实上，你要希望每天都遭到拒绝，因为如果你没有的话，这说明你还不够努力。

So ask yourself this: Did you get rejected today, and how can you go out tomorrow and make it an even better day than today? Learn to not only handle but to embrace rejection, and you will meet great new people and have an amazing social life.

  所以问一问自己：今天我遭到拒绝了吗？明天我出去时要如何让它比今天更好？学会不但要处理而且去拥抱拒绝，那么你将会遇到很棒的人们，拥有一个奇妙的社交生活。

2008-9-24 04:14 PM

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a65999
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huh~~~
i have ever been turing down by the same girl twice, but i never gave up, finally i captured her heart(she is really hot and beutiful,amazing creature by god), just like the old saying "there is no hard thing if you work really hard.
so .buddies ,work hard !

2008-10-9 11:37 PM

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maryrose
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i think it is a great problem that many people have encoutered. I am no exception. We all agreed that too many rejections from outside will make us lose our confidence. So the best way to face the outside is to be confident at first, for in this world you are the only one.

2008-10-10 02:29 PM

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hey_you
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What if you got rejected by the person you see everyday, will you not feel embarrassed of seeing that person since they know that you are attracted to them? How do you solve that kind of situation? Act like nothing happen? It is more of the embarrassment that is hard to hide when you have expressed your feelings toward this person and this person knows now. I guess if you get rejected by a stranger that is easier to handle vs by a person that you see everyday.

2008-10-11 03:34 AM

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greatrhythm
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let me calm down and relax. I want to have an amazing social life.

2008-10-24 09:48 AM

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abc_123

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Thank you for your replies :-)

2008-11-2 10:09 AM

练习翻译？遇到难题？快来翻吧

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