hly_123
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Don't Take it Personally(e-c)practice
Don't Take it Personally
别往心里去
By Jean Charles
The best-selling book, The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz is an insightful little book with a message that is simple and yet profound. The author invites the reader to adopt a code of conduct that includes four agreements - "Be impeccable With Your Word, "Don't Take Anything Personally, Never Assume Anything, and Always Do Your Best"
This article is about the second agreement "Don't take Anything Personally".
Great advice, isn't it? The problem is, most of us take criticism or rejection very personally. When someone says to us "You are …(fill in the blank), we may take it as the truth. Actually their comment is about them and their perception of you and has nothing to do with who or what you really are.
The following are some thoughts to keep in mind the next time you receive harsh comments:
由don Miguel Ruiz所著的一本名为《The Four Agreements 》是一册不厚、具有洞察力、传达思想简单却深刻的书。作者要读者采取的一套行为方式中包括了四个协议--“语言无瑕疵”，“别往心里去”，“不要做任何假定”及"总做到最好“
本篇文章就是关于第二个协定：”任何事都别往心里去“
好建议，难道不是吗？问题是，我们大多数人对于批评或拒绝总是很在乎。 当人们说：”你___"(填写一个一个词），我们总认为那是事实。
实际上，他们的评价是和他们及他们对你的感知有关，和你真正如何及是怎样的一个人无关。
下次受到严论的时，请你记住以下这几点内容：
1. It's not about you. When people make insulting or vicious remarks to you, it's a reflection of what's going on inside of them. You are simply the target at the moment. Harsh criticism is usually brought on by one or more of the following:
a) Ego. Some people will criticize you to boost their own ego. They pull you down a few pegs so that they'll feel superior to you.
b) Impatience. Impatient people are also likely to make insulting remarks that are out of proportion to the situation. For instance, if an impatient person feels you should complete a task in 5 seconds - and you take 10 - you'll hear something like, "Are you a moron?" Clearly, this has nothing to do with you.
c) Childhood Influences. Many people who criticize you without regard to your feelings grew up in an environment where they were criticized harshly. They are simply repeating the pattern.
Accept the fact that people from all of these categories will cross your path at times.
1.和你无关. 当人们侮辱或对你恶毒攻击时，那是他们内心的写照。 你只是那一刻的目标。严厉的批评往往因为以下原因产生：
a)自我. 一些人通过批评你来提高他们自己。 把你拉下“几个台阶”这样能感觉比你要强。
b)无耐心. 没有耐心的人们也可能做出侮辱、过度的言论。例如，如果一个没耐心的人认为你要在5秒内完成一项工作--而你花了10秒--那么就会听到“你是白痴？“这样的话。显然，这和你一点关系都没有。
c)受童年影响. 许多批评你、不顾及你感受的人是在一个自己受严厉批评的环境下长大.他们只是在重演这个规律。
承认自己时不时要遇到这一类的人
2. Learn from it. In most cases, you can learn from criticism and rejection. Although the comments may be harsh or exaggerated, there may be some truth to be found.
For example, if you receive negative comments on a Performance Review at work, see it as an opportunity for improvement.. Consider the comments objectively and look for the lessons. Take the necessary actions to improve your job performance. If you truly believe you are doing your best, these actions could include looking for a job that better suits your talents.
学习 大部分时候，你可以从批评和拒绝中学习。 虽然话语严厉或夸张，但是也许其中有某些道理。
例如，如果在对工作表现的评估中收到了不好的话，将之看做一次改进的机会.. 客观地考虑这些话，找到教训。采取必要行动来提高工作表现。如果你真地认为已经做到最好，那么行动可能就包括寻找一份更适合你才能的工作。
3. Laugh about it. After you get over the initial shock of a critical remark, allow yourself to have a good laugh! It reduces the tension and puts things back in perspective.
We did Patient Satisfaction Questionnaires in my former Healthcare company. One question asked about the reading material in the waiting room. The funniest responses were the ones that rated the selection as poor and then stated in the very next answer that the person had waited 0 (zero) minutes in the waiting room.
笑 在你从最初的批评话语中缓过神之后，让自己开心一笑！笑会减少紧张，以相对地方式看待问题。
在我以前的Healthcare 公司进行过一次病人满意度调查问卷。上面的一个问题是关于候诊厅的读物。 最好笑的反应是那些将这一部分评为“差”而在紧接的问题中答在候诊厅等待时间为（0）的人们。
4. Don't let anyone stop you from pursuing what you want to achieve. Life will test you to see how serious you are about pursuing a particular path. Sooner or later, you'll face negative feedback. When you do, remember not to let anyone crush your dream.
If you are doing what you want to do (and aren't hurting anyone else), the only question to ask yourself is: Am I doing the best I could in this situation? You can't ask yourself to do more than your best.
不要让任何人阻止你追逐你要获得的东西。 时间将考验你对追逐自己独有道路有多么认真。 或早或晚，你都会遇到消极反馈。 那时候，记住不要让任何人粉碎你的梦想。
如果你正在做你想做的（而且没有伤害到任何别人），那么唯一要问自己的问题是：我在这个情况下尽到自己最大努力了吗？ 人无法要求自己做到比自己更好。
5. Give what you want to receive. If you want others to be less critical of you, then you must be considerate of the feelings of others. We all have to provide feedback and criticism at times and probably overdo it sometimes. We say things that we wouldn't want others to say to us. We get impatient and forget that it took us time to learn the very things we're expecting others to perform perfectly right away.
Don Miguel Ruiz gave some great advice when he said that we shouldn't take anything personally. Yet, it is a very difficult concept to put into practice. My hope is that by remembering the above thoughts, you can greatly reduce the amount of time and energy you spend taking things personally.
己所不欲，勿施于人。 如果你希望别人少批评你，那么你就要对别人的感受顾虑周到。我们所有人都会时不时地给与反馈和批评，也许有时会做过头。 我们说着不想让别人对我们说的话。我们会变得不耐烦，忘记了学会那些希望别人立即做到完美的事情原来要自己来做也是需要时间的。
Don Miguel Ruiz说我们不应该“往心里去”时提供了很好的建议。不过，要真正做到这点却十分难。 我希望大家能记住以上这些，这样就能大大地减少你在”往心里去“时耗费的时间和精力。
[ Last edited by hly_123 at 2007-12-31 09:23 PM ]
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