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hly_abc
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How to help a friend in need(e-c)practice

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How to help a friend in need
如何对患难友表真情

* Story Highlights
* 故事梗概
* Friends in crisis may not be able to ask for what they need
* 处于危机中的朋友可能不能要求他们所需的东西
* Expert: Take sick, mobile friend to lunch; bring food to house bound
* 专家：生病、能行动的朋友，带上去午饭；困在家中的朋友，带去食物
* Expert: Avoid asking abused person an open-ended question
* 专家：避免问一个遭到虐待的人开放式的问题
* Look them in eyes, say,"'If you need me, I'm here for you."
* 眼睛注视他们，说：“如果你需要我，我会在这里”

(Oprah.com) -- "If there's anything I can do, just let me know." Surely you've said that to someone going through a rough time -- we all have. It's the sort of well-worn, well-meaning phrase that we utter reflexively before hanging up the phone, anxious to do our friendship duty.

“如果有什么事情能做的，让我知道”当然，你已经对在度过困难的某人说过这样的话--我们都说过。这是一种在我们在挂上电话之前条件反射说出来的，陈旧而好意、想急迫的尽到朋友义务的话。
art.hands.afp.gi.jpg

But here's the thing -- most people in the midst of a crisis can't really get it together to tell you exactly what they need.

但是，关键是--大多数“有难”的人们其实不能有理智来告诉你他们的确需要的是什么。

How, do you best help a friend who is having serious difficulties? How do you open a conversation in a sensitive manner? And what should you avoid saying at all costs? We asked the experts -- and some women who have been there.

如何，你能最好的帮助一位有严重困难的朋友呢？你如何用一种敏感的方式来打开话题？还有，你应该如何不惜任何大家地来避免？、、、我们问了专家--以及一些去专家。。。

How do you help a friend who's seriously ill?

如何来帮助一位身患重病的朋友？

Psychologist Alice Chang, co-author of A Survivor's Guide to Breast Cancer", says that if a friend is ill but mobile, you should take her out to eat every week or two, because sick people are often isolated.

心理学家，“乳腺癌的生存者指南”一书合著者Alice Chang称，如果一个朋友病了，但是还能行动，你应当每一二周带她到外边去吃饭，因为病了的人往往是孤独的。

If she's housebound, drop off some food, and bring videos and books on tape, because certain treatments impair vision. "Don't overstay your visit," she says. "Acknowledge the illness and ask what the progress is, and then talk about activities of daily living." If she's a close friend, volunteer to do laundry or clean her house, chores she may be unable to do herself.

And be sensitive to the pendulum swings of her mood. Chang says, "I tell people, 'I know that the feelings are not always rational, because that's how emotions are. But it's okay.'"
如果她是被困在了家中，捎来一些食物，并且带视频、书籍。。，因为。。会。。视觉。 ”拜访的时候不要太久呆“她称”承认这个疾病，并问问紧张如何，然后再谈论一下每一天的生活活动“如果她是一位密，
主动洗衣服，或者打扫房子，那些她不能自己干的活”
对她的情绪摇摆要敏感。 Chang说：“我告诉人们‘我知道感觉不一定都理智，因为感情本来就是这样。但是，这没什么”

Don't blurt out that she looks awful, but don't tell her she looks great if it's clearly not true. "Hug the person and say, 'Some days are better than others, and I hope you have more better days,'" says Chang. If her appearance has radically changed -- if she's bald from chemo, for instance -- don't pretend you don't notice. "Instead," Chang recommends, "say, 'You have a nicely shaped head' or 'Isn't it a lot cooler?'"

不要脱口而出说她看上去糟糕，但是如果明显不是看上去很好的话，也不要说她看上去很好。“拥抱那个人，说’一些日子比另一些要更好，我希望你。。。”Chang称。

如果她的外表样子变化的很大--例如，如果她因为化疗而秃了顶--不要装作你没看见 “相反” Chang建议“说‘你的头型很漂亮’或者‘难道不是要酷多了吗？”

Don't say, "I know how you feel." An epileptic patient once told Chang, "If I've heard it once, I've heard it a thousand times -- 'I had a dog with epilepsy, so I know how you feel.'" The truth is, you don't know how your friend feels, so the best approach is to invite her to tell you.

不要说“我知道你的感受”一位癫痫症患者曾经告诉过Chang“如果我听过一次，我已经听过了一千次”--’我有一条狗有癫痫症，所以，我知道你的感受如何“

实际上，你不知道你的朋友如何感受，所以最好的方法是请她来告诉你。

Want to help a friend who's in an abusive relationship?

想要帮助一位处于虐待关系中的朋友？

Pam Smieja, a public speaker and educator on domestic violence -- and an abuse survivor herself -- says that above all else, it's important to be a stable presence. A friend who is consistent, reliable, and gentle, even down to her tone of voice, is a profound source of comfort for someone dealing with an abuser's volatile moods.

If your friend is open with you about her situation, says Merry Arnold, PsyD, a Boston-area therapist who specializes in trauma including domestic abuse, "you can help her plan an escape by getting spare car keys, duplicate I.D., and a stash of cash that she can keep in her car or at your house -- all things she'll need if he locks her out or she has to leave her house in a hurry."

Pam Smieja是一位公共演说家，一个家庭暴力的教育学家--她自己也是一个虐待幸存者--称和所有事情相比，最重要的是。。一位持续的，可靠的，温和的，甚至。。声音的朋友是一个。。慰藉。。对付。。者脆弱的心情。

Call a 24-hour domestic abuse crisis hotline to educate yourself, then give her the number. A hotline can be more helpful than friends or family, says Smieja, because "many volunteers have been abused themselves and understand the fear and pain and chaos." Offer to let her call from your house, where she'll be safer -- and give her privacy while she's on the phone. "She wouldn't want you sitting there listening," Smieja says. "It would be too shameful."

拨打一个24小时家庭虐待。。热线。。教育，然后给她号码。一个热线。。比朋友或家人都要有帮助Smieja称。因为”许多志愿者自己也经历了虐待，并了解那样的恐惧，痛苦和混乱“ 主动让她在你家打电话，那里她会更加地安全--她在打电话的时候给于她隐私” 她不会想你坐在那里听着“Smieja称：”那样太羞辱人了“

It's better to give your friend the number of a nearby domestic abuse shelter than a spare key to your house, which could jeopardize your own safety. "The address of the safe house is confidential," Smieja says. "A cop once slipped me the name and number of a shelter. I hid that sucker really well, and that's what I used when I left."

最好给你最近的家庭虐待庇护所的号码，而不是你家的备用钥匙，这样危机了你个人的安全。 ”那样的安全房子的地址是保密的“Smieja称”一个警察曾经偷偷地给了我一个庇护所的名字和号码。我躲那个浑蛋躲得很好，那里是我离家后去的地方“

If you suspect abuse, don't ask an open-ended question like, "What's going on?" Smieja says. "Because she'll lie. I always lied. Gently touch her arm, look her in the eye, and say, 'If you need me, I'm here for you.' That will open a door. Eye contact is very, very important. If she senses you're uncomfortable, she'll never go to you."

如果你怀疑虐待，不要问象”怎么了“一样的一个开放式的问题”Smieja称：“因为她将会撒谎。我过去总是撒谎。轻轻地触摸她的臂膀，看着的眼睛，然后说：”如果你需要我，我会在这里“ 这样就能打开一扇门。

眼睛交流非常非常地重要。如果她感觉到你带不来舒服，她就绝对不会去找你”

Don't ask why she doesn't just leave. "Living with an abuser is like being in a concentration camp," Smieja says. "There are consequences. My abuser copied my whole address book, waved it in front of me, and said, 'If you leave, somebody will pay.' I knew he was capable of ugly things." Arnold agrees. "The person can leave only when she's ready. Be patient."

不要问为什么她不干脆离他而去：“和一个虐待者生活就好像是在一个集中营”Smieja称：“会有后果。虐待我的人曾经把我整个的地址簿复印下来，然后拿着我面前晃动，说‘如果你离开，有人要付出代价’

我知道，他有本事干出肮脏的事情。”Arnold同意“只有当她做好了准备之后，才能离开。要有耐心”

If you'd like to help a friend who's in a financial mess, enjoy each other's company on the cheap, says Liz Perle, author of "Money, a Memoir: Women, Emotions, and Cash." "Take a walk. Get your nails done for 10 bucks. And unless it's her birthday, don't treat her -- that will only make her feel less empowered. Money really is power, and you have to be sensitive to that."

如果你想帮助有经济困难的朋友，少花钱来享受彼此陪伴，“钱，回忆录：女性，感情，金钱”一书的作者 Liz Perle称。 “散散步，花10块钱修指甲。除非是她过生日，不然不要请客--那只会让她感到。。钱其实是力量，你必须对此敏感”

"Talking about money is the last taboo," Perle says. "It's like talking to teenagers -- never ask a direct question." Get her to open up by discussing your own financial challenges.

Unless she's a responsible person and faced with an unexpected short-term problem -- say she totaled her car and needs help with the down payment on a new one -- don't loan her money.

“最大的忌讳就是谈论金钱”Perle称：“要就好像和十来岁的年轻人说话一样--绝对不要问一个直截了当的问题” 通过讨论自己的经济上的挑战，来让她开口。

除非她是一个有责任心的人，并且遇到了暂时的意想不到的问题--不然比方说她把车撞坏了，需要一次性付款买辆新的--不要借钱给她。

"Money problems are often about something else; if you take over, you may be solving the wrong problem," Perle says.

”钱的问题总是其它的问题：如果你管，可能你正解决错了问题“Perle称

"Offer support emotionally and help her find a financial counselor." Avoid hindsight advice like "You should have bought an apartment," says Shana (not her real name) from Burlington,

”从精神上提供支持，然后帮她找一个理财顾问“避免事后诸葛亮例如说：”你本来就要买公寓“来自Burlington的Shana（非真实名字）称

Vermont, who is coping with financial problems after a job loss. "We all look back and know what we could have done better."

在一次失业后正在应对金钱问题的Vermont称：”我们都会看从前，都知道本来能做的更好“

[ Last edited by hly_abc at 2007-8-12 08:58 PM ]

2007-8-12 08:55 PM

练习翻译？遇到难题？快来翻吧

babymeng
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Friends in crisis may not be able to ask for what they need
处于危机中的朋友可能无法说出他们需要些什么
house-bound [因病] 在家出不了门的
'Some days are better than others, and I hope you have more better days'
日子有好有坏, 而我希望你有更多的好日子

2007-8-12 09:48 PM

练习翻译？遇到难题？快来翻吧

wenshikoh
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Erm, after read through it, i found that it is very useful.

Next time, i would say to my friend who is in trouble.
If there is anything i can do for you, Just let me know. Hehe

2007-8-12 10:44 PM

练习翻译？遇到难题？快来翻吧

hly_abc
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Thanks:-)

2007-8-12 11:02 PM

练习翻译？遇到难题？快来翻吧

nicholaswen
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aha,it looks helpful.

2007-8-15 04:46 PM

练习翻译？遇到难题？快来翻吧

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