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thierrydieu
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westerm marriage with chinese girl

i am married with Chinese girl for 2 years already and before we leaving 3 years together ,and one day i have some meeting with my Chinese law and we talking about this matter .who and how the house can be paid .and other living expense .
on the meeting i bring my own lawyer from Chengdu and it is clear ,with new regulation all couple married in the territory need to share all expense ,no matter if it is house ,
couple can just have two bank account and enjoy the fruit of they labor ,no one can use the money
from other one if they are not autorise .if the girl use the husband money with out authorization she can be put
on a jail for a minimum of 3 years (depend the amount of the money)
all daily expense need to be share in the couple .if on case husband or wife cannot share expense the marriage can be resolve by divorce .
law on the Chinese wedding 2007

if the girl tell you it is a law ,it is not truth and she try to cheating you for his own personal interest

2009-6-18 06:11 PM

#101

hellenzj
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for one couple, two people should share the family financial balance; that's for sure. if ther'e's no economic burdon on daily life, to manage finances is another subject.

2009-6-20 07:25 PM

#102

curious2b
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I keep our money in both countries US and China. I have accounts linked but I am slowly shifting my funds to China. My wife who for now is still living in China has full access to those accounts. I do not worry about it, we look at the money as family funds not mine or hers. I will say she is much better at keeping it than I am but I do save about 50% of my salary, kind of unamerican but I am old fashion in my personal life.

2009-6-21 01:18 AM

#103

moshenggou
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What about the obligation to take care of the elderly. Should the wife be responsible for her side and the husband for his, or should they pool money and split it evenly? Also, the law vaguely requires children to care for aging parents, so how does this fit into Chinese marraige law?

2009-6-29 11:22 AM

#104

chinammkrr
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I would like to say that it is the obligations for the male side to do more investment in a marrige relationship in almost all mainstream cultures. However, the particularly specification of paying the house or other things is not a customary and in fact all kinds of arrangements can occur in Chinese marriages. And I don't think it is a Chinese culture. But if you don't mind, the Chinese paterfamilias may like you more who is a foreigner to prove your commitment upon the marriage with the investment as bonds.

2009-7-4 10:43 PM

#105

moshenggou
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My question has never been answered. As far as the culture thing goes, I would like more from my wife's family. I have to call them mom and dad, but they never call me son. I have to give them money to buy their house, but they never show appreciation. If it was my mom asking for something she would be kind (keqide) and I could tell her to piss off and have no problems (and if she had a spare house she would just give it to me, I guess us poor folk are different). The fact is my mom takes responsibility for her decision to have a child, others expect the child to take responsibility for being born. Most cultures haven't developed to the point where people disregard culture.

Still waiting for someone to tell me about legal obligations to parents when there is a mixed nationality marraige in China. Also, whose family comes first, wife or husband?

2009-7-6 02:57 PM

#106

john40
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I am from the United states, and I also have a Chinese girlfriend. She lives in China and I live in the US but soon she will be coming here. It is true that the Chinese man or his parents buy the couple a home but you are not the normal Chinese couple so things will have to be a little different. The main thing is to talk about how the money should be handled and the bills paid. I think a plane is most important when it comes to money. Paying bills buying a home and saving for retirement and so on. If you two truly love each other than I am sure you will come to a good decision.

2009-7-23 08:23 AM

#107

1337assassin (Roots Radical)
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QUOTE:

Originally posted by ichiban at 2009-3-13 03:56
Hi there,

I'm a British Black guy and I've been dating my Chinese girlfriend for over a year now.
She is a international student. She moved in with me with 2 months of knowing each other.
Sh ...

well, if you've found a chinese girl willing to marry a black guy, give her all your money and marry her right away

you have found some anomally in the space time continuum which seems to have fractured reality

who knows how long that window will stay open

i'll inform NASA

you giver her whatever she wants whenever she wants it, and make sure her parents get their fair share

and try not to get sucked into a parallel universe before we get some top scientists on this discovery

2009-7-29 02:58 PM

#108

1337assassin (Roots Radical)
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QUOTE:

Originally posted by thierrydieu at 2009-6-18 18:11
i am married with Chinese girl for 2 years already and before we leaving 3 years together ,and one day i have some meeting with my Chinese law and we talking about this matter .who and how the hous ...

did your wife know about your lawyer before you were married?

me thinks not

2009-7-29 03:01 PM

#109

Fookchew
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Not all Chinese girls are like that..

Those liberated ones do not think like that, at least not those who are properly educated in socialist ways. Only the bourgeios liberals think that way. Go and ffind yourself a girl who is well schooled in socialism.

"THE CHINESE PEOPLE HAVE STOOD UP!" CHAIRMAN MAO - 1949

2009-8-2 07:18 AM

#110

zhangxia833
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difficult problem. if u want your gf to change her opinon, which i think is impossible. as you know our chinese woman is born in a traditional culture of china and effected profoundly. we always think that is truth and cannot be changed at all.
so you should adjust yourself,after all girl is fist and formost nowdays.
best wishes for you to solve that.

2009-8-13 04:49 PM

#111

topsyturvy
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Actually ,in my traditional opinon , girls and their familes have right to dicied their will accept or not accept the house & others property,but boys and ther families should show the will first base on their background.

2009-9-2 04:37 PM

#112

sophie.xiao
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change or accept?

I have to say this kind of situation is really very common in China, especially in the small cities . As far as I know, some girls even would consider if the man own the house and car before they begin a relationship. So in many Chinese women's opinion, man is the main labour in the family, they have to undertake the responsibility of raising the whole family. It is the history of China that has determined all of this.
Have you ever known about the culture in Japan and South Korea? In those countries, women are not allowed to work outside, they have to stay at home to take care of the family. So the husband is the only economic source of the family. Comparing to them, in some extent, you are fortunate. Actually, in recent yeas, western culture is blending into China gradually. Many women become much more independent , some even earn much more money than man. They would share the responsibility with their husbands. So maybe you just met a traditional women, If you really want to marry her, you can try to let her uderstand the obligation of the man and wife, if that can't work, you have to give in ,and accept it .

2009-9-9 04:30 PM

#113

1584austin
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QUOTE:

Does it matter who pays the bills. If you get married whatever money comes in to the household is for both of you to enjoy. what is this question all about? get a life mate

2009-9-16 04:11 AM

#114

ichiban
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Response to the last post...........

QUOTE:

Originally posted by 1584austin at 2009-9-16 04:11

Does it matter who pays the bills. If you get married whatever money comes in to the household is for both of you to enjoy. what is this question all about? get a life mate

Okay lets bring it home to you.

Would you marry a women with the condition that you provide the house and pay the bills?
Would you marry a woman that thinks its a man job to provide, while she will be working and earning as well?

If you answer is yes, good luck to you.

If the answer is no, why not?

Please reply, I'd be interested to hear to comments.

2009-9-16 04:34 AM

#115

sabrina0cette
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share

I think that was old chinese way: man bears all the financial burdon. Now most young chinese start to adopt the western way. Be independent and build family while sharing all the responsibility!

2009-9-24 08:44 AM

#116

canada_man
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This topic has been "flogged" to death in this forum and sorry but frankly I'm tired of reading about it

2009-9-25 05:00 PM

#117

wutuanyou
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Have a conversation with her

2009-10-13 02:50 PM

#118

Aussielad
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I married a Chinese lady around 2.5 years ago in Guilin she, and her 18 year old daughter, have been living here, Australia, for 18 months now. We have had no trouble with each other's cultures, she embraces mine and I embrace hers. We have separate Bank accounts she runs the house and buys the food, she works, and I pay the running costs. Her account is also our savings account, holidays school fees etc also comes from that account. I am extremely happy and are hoping to live in China for extended periods in the future. While my wife is learning our ways I make the larger decisions, although we discuss everything together, In China she will make the major decisions, it's the most sensible way.

2009-10-13 05:56 PM

#119

Didymus
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I live in Australia and have been married to a Chinese for 23 years. We have one beautiful daughter 21 years old. My advice for all people is to take the best of the Chinese culture and hang on to that. Then take the best of the western culture and hang on to that. All of those things in each culture that are not so good should be either disregarded or downplayed. Marriage at the best of times is hard. Mixed marriage is harder multiplied by a factor of X! Marriage is give and take and compromise on all sides. Therefore, no-one can get into a mixed marriage and realistically demand everything according to their culture. True marriage should be about true sharing of everything which means that while each partner may have separate spending money, all the money must be regarded in terms of OURS and not mine which is a selfish concept. In today's society it may be "nice" for the man to buy the house for his wife etc but the reality of 2009 is that sometimes women earn more than men etc and so the practicality is more likely that BOTH partners will have to work together to buy the home. I suggest, the happiest years of marriage are those where husband and wife are working together towards common goals. In a situation where a Chinese girl is trying to have the best of western while demanding Chinese "rights" is fraught with danger for the relationship because it starts with a premise of "self" - rights - expectations... This can only lead to one or other party feeling used and abused. When we first got married my wife used to assert "I'm Chinese" every time we had a disagreement about anything - as if to say - I was being racist, I was being uncaring, disrespectful of her culture etc. Now my wife has become very westernised - now it is my wife who comes home from work and complains: "you wont believe what some of those Chinese did today..." And it is me now who is making excuses, rationalising their behaviour and suggesting tolerance. I say this to reinforce that things that seem important at the beginning of the relationship change over time. What really matters is LOVE. Yes, I know it sounds cliched but in the relationship you will quickly find that love will over-ride issues of who controls ALL of the money etc and if it doesn't the relationship is doomed. So true love may dictate that the husband gives his wife all of the money because that reassures his wife but equally true love may dictate that the wife stop CONTROLLING and TRUST her husband to be an equal partner whose love for her ensures that he will do her no harm. He will protect and look after her. Mutual trust and respect is essential. If either party do not subscribe to this mutual trust and respect their commitment is suspect but rather than judge a wrong motive it may be more helpful to give the benefit of the doubt and encourage. If in the end you do the honourable thing and the marriage doesn't work out you can walk away with a clear conscience knowing that it is the other person's loss and your gain if you are free of a person in a relationship for all the wrong reasons. My marriage is not perfect. There have been some seriously bad times but we have perserved and I can honestly say that the perseverance has been worthwhile. We are growing stronger as a couple each day and I love my wife more and more.

2009-11-5 05:37 PM

#120

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