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sky084
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I am Australian living in Australia. My partner is a divorced Chinese lady who got very little from her ex. He only gives a little money each year to help with their daughter. My partner has been very generous with her money.

She basically has paid for more than 80% of the home we currently live in. We do have cultural issues that come between us. I find that Chinese are very direct with their thoughts and will say out loud what many westerners only may think. I find that confronting and difficult to deal with. We have had a few heated discussions about this but we learn from these experiences.

Communication is all important in a relationship and more so when crossing cultural boundaries. Sometimes westerners have to say exactly what is on their mind so that the essence of what they say is not mis-interpreted. This can happen a lot.

As an example, if a western woman were to say 'please yourself', she means that if you do decide to do a certain thing she will be VERY upset with you. My partner said this to me in the first few weeks of our relationship and I freaked out. She actually meant, "please do it if it makes you happy, because if you are happy, I am happy"!

Make sure that there is no grey area left open for interpretation, even if you think it is very clear, paraphrase to be certain.

This is what i have learnt so far in 3 years of our relationship. I am still learning every day though, so be careful!

[ Last edited by sky084 at 2009-4-21 01:57 PM ]

2009-4-21 12:25 PM

#81

anegron
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I'm not going to read this whole thing but compromise isn't a way one street. Compromise much come from her as well and if you feel uncomfortable doing this then you should speak out. She must also understand that in your culture that isn't the way it works. If she's unwilling to do this then maybe she shouldn't be in a cross cultural relationship.

I see a lot of people post "it's just money", then why be all over it? Honestly, I expect my Chinese girlfriend to do something with her life adn I don't think that is true either. All of the families I've had dinner with, and my co-workers. Both mother and father work, grandparents take care of the children and help support the home functions. Not the man works and the rest are on labor life.

2009-4-25 03:09 PM

#82

magicrus
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QUOTE:

Originally posted by ichiban at 2009-3-13 03:56
Hi there,

I'm a British Black guy and I've been dating my Chinese girlfriend for over a year now.
She is a international student. She moved in with me with 2 months of knowing each other.
Sh ...

why not a co-account? you two can pool your money together for bills and mortages...

I'm a chinese girl with a chinese bf... currently, he pays the rent i pay the bills... so far so good....

2009-5-5 10:49 AM

#83

cltech
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Nowdays,man and womam should be responsible for their family together,because status of women and man are same.

2009-5-8 12:01 PM

#84

sara1985
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it is a sensitive problem between BF and GF who decide to marry,it is a tradition custmer that man offer the house ,even cars to bride,though many people said it is not fair,it is the real life,now in china if you want to marry,you should offer those,

2009-5-8 05:37 PM

#85

garyh1959
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you are missing the in ti think.
1, god knows no difference between colour.
2, for a simple chinese traditional girl yep the man pays, the woman keeps house has babies.
3, for international girl education family are rich anyway as cost to educate abroad aboove normal chinese persons income stream.
4, she understands the west for sure.
5, change her out of 500 million you should find a better one.

2009-5-10 02:53 AM

#86

coco27
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more talking,more happy

Had your problem been resolved? Different culture different thinking,but I believe that more talking each other,more understand for each other and more happy, in the end, the problem will be resolved quickly.
Best wishes to you and your girlfriend.

2009-5-15 03:19 PM

#87

Hideandseek
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In China,the circumstance is exactly like what your chinese girlfriend have told you. So in China, the man is under high pressure.But I would say,your girlfriend should respect the British custom,this is so called "do in Rome as Rome does".

2009-5-18 11:31 PM

#88

bigfool007
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sorry.

2009-5-25 08:58 PM

#89

luyingjie
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we, a younger generation Chinese, have already shared the western value. now in china, both wife and husband will go to work if they want or have to. a couple will share the responsibility of life together. so, maybe your girlfriend is very traditional in the financial problems. i think you should talk to her about that.

2009-5-26 12:35 AM

#90

steven0
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Reply #1 ichiban's post

I think if you cannot accept chinese culture, you should seriously consider marrying a British girl. If you prefer Chinese girls, then try to get a British borned Chinese. I just cannot see your relationship working out if there are already so many problems due to cultural differences. Chinese culture is over 5,000 years old so, need I say more. I understand the women in China is getting more and more westernised but, you also see the divorce rates rocketing. So, there is always a price to pay. Nothing is free.

2009-5-29 07:03 AM

#91

yejiayu
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May be different country has different culture.I think you need to be more open to talk with your girlfriend.Just in this way can you solve any problem .And may be you need to pay more patience to do it .And find a good chance to direct your topic .

2009-6-4 01:55 PM

#92

russion
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"in Chinese culture that the man should pay for the house and that she will play no part in helping out at all"

actually, in many cities of china, this culture doesn't exsite at all. women have economic resources,and they also pay for the house and others with their husband. maybe your GF sugesting this just because she want to test you. you have to make a conversation with you GF and tell her your real ideas. i think she will understand you if she loves u so much.in my oppinion,the couples should pay for the family all together in order to keep their love for ever

2009-6-4 03:42 PM

#93

victorliang
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I am looking for a female to enjoy the life together

Hello! I am a beijing boy looking for foreign friends in Beijing. I want a foreign girl as my friends,I am interested in overseas cultures, and very glad to make friends from different countries. If you can speak English, French, Japanese, Korean and other languages.
I want girl from all over the world to understand China. China's past, present and future. China's customs, ideas and habits. By learning Chinese one can understand China and learn to appreciate her. If you understand China, you will love her!
If you like Chinese culture,you can contact me .
i m working in a foreign firm. i am 28.

so any time you free please call me e-mail me or msn me any way you like.

msn:victorliang99@hotmail.com
qq:995796226
mobile phone:13671365785

2009-6-5 10:57 AM

#94

octopus1981
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QUOTE:

Originally posted by phoebe-8414 at 2009-3-13 11:10
ichiban ,ur gf said in her Chinese culture that the man should pay for the house and that she will play no part in helping out at all. It doesn't seem really absolutely correct. That's not the trut ...

I can't agree with you any more, in fact, right now, in china a lot of women having thier own jobs want to be indepent, If you've been falling in each other, I think both of you should share these resposibility including house, bill and other things. This is really happiness! Here, I wish you and your loving Chinese have a good and happy future.

2009-6-5 01:21 PM

#95

exportedkiwi
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My baby and I didn't marry but it was the intention. She lived with me and, as she had no job (but was looking) I paid all the household expenses etc. My salary was credited to my account every month and she held the ATM card as well as my credit card. She was far better at budgeting than I could ever be, and for that, I was thankful. It was my salary that paid, but it was her that maintained the house etc. She never overspent when she went shopping with her friends, she never overspent when she went to lunch or dinner with her friends and she gave her parents money each month. I allowed myself an allowance which was very basic but that was because I needed very little. If I wanted something, the credit I'd built up in my allowance paid for it. She was always thinking of me and what I needed or wanted, things like food and books. If she saw something she knew I'd like, she got it for me. With my pittance of an allowance, I bought her flowers every few days. It's reciprocal when you love someone. This is China and we have to adjust to some things about being with a Chinese partner.

2009-6-5 06:39 PM

#96

ichiban
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I have to respect your culture, but from my point of view. If a man is older enough to go out and work and earn for himself, he is also old enough to organize himself financially, without asking for pocket money from his wife, money that he has earned himself.
Love is Love, Money is Money. I can have lots of money and be generous but not love someone or I can Love someone and be very cautious with my
money. If Money is linked to love then, I think there is a big problem. Money does not always show love... it all depends on how the person value money.

[ Last edited by ichiban at 2009-6-7 01:08 AM ]

2009-6-7 01:07 AM

#97

sandymiss
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welcome to visit our site.
simulation credit auto

2009-6-11 09:44 AM

#98

avadhoot77
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Reply #1 ichiban's post

Look ichiban,
I understand what you must be going through. I am an Indian staying in QIngdao for last two years and have a gf who shared the same views and opinions what ur gf says. However I feel, if you love her truly, all these things dont matter at all. When you start spending money and paying off all the bills, (if she is a modern chinese girl) she herself will realise in a later stage that she has to contribute in some way or the other. Only then the love from her side will also be claimed as true love. I think right now you should not mind these things because I am sure at a later stage as your marriage life progresses she will help you.
After all buddy, in this whole world only two country girls are true and loyal to their husbands, one of which is Chinese girls.

Remember one more thing after marriage stay alone with her and do not share apartment with any of her family members

2009-6-12 01:13 PM

#99

avadhoot77
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Reply #96 exportedkiwi's post

Very much true, I agree dude

2009-6-12 01:17 PM

#100

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