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thunderbird
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Image Attachment: DSC00031 copy.jpg (2009-1-2 11:04 PM, 74.79 K)

2009-1-2 11:04 PM

#101

lateblue
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These picture did not say anything about common people. These were all rich people who wanted to be like westerners. Traditionally, marriage present could be a ring, a necklace, or a pair of earings. But if a woman complains about not getting a ring from her husband, she should also think about whether her husband should complain about not getting a ring from his wife. I cannot help but feel pity for those women who consider the wedding ring as the sole symbal of love while not thinking about showing love to their husband, rather they hold grudge against their husband. This kind of women I can certainly do without. Come on, the wedding is over, this is real life now, get over it. Otherwise, you are just torturing yourself and your husband.

2009-1-3 09:34 AM

#102

happyelaine
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i did not have a ring on my wedding too.

I married my husband in the end of 2006 without a ring too, he's seeking a job during that period, i was sure he had enough money to buy me a ring, because he bought his mother a necklace which cost more than 2000RMB, and a mobile phone for his father, he said those gifts are as my first gifts to his parents. because it's first time for me to visit his hometwon, also the time for wedding.

Same like you, i did not get what i expected-a ring. Before the wedding day, i had benn thinking that he might gave me a surprise on our wedding day, but he disappointed me. for the first year of our marriage life, i had same feelings just like you are having now. and someday, i found one of his ex-girl friend's photo, on the photo she's wearing a ring, that really hurts me. finally, i can not bear it, i speaked out to my husband, told him my feelings, i even could not help my tears. that's really a painful time for me, also for our marriage life. that borthered me for more than one year.

Time flys, life is going on. sometimes i also doubt if he loves me. we had our baby, and as time goes by, i almost forget about the ring issue. but he sometimes mentioned me that he will buy me a diamond ring when he has enough money, i was happy to hear it, but do not expect. he has bought me a car in 2008, but not a ring till now.

Our baby is one years old now, the ring is not as important as before in my heart now. if the most one i love is my husband before, then the most one i love is my baby now.

A ring is not so important for marriage if you love a person, even you know he may not love you, but like mayfly, you are willing to sacrifice yourself.

Ladies, to be stronger, the one love you the most is yourself in the world.

[ Last edited by happyelaine at 2009-1-3 10:03 AM ]

2009-1-3 09:57 AM

#103

littleboat
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Happyelaine, the car is for your own use or for the use of the whole family? Are you the private chauffeur that drives the family members around? Luckily, your husband didn't buy you a lawn mower. I am joking.

Well, it is true that we have to accept the imperfections of life. The real situation in China in most cases, is that, at least this is what I have seen, women usually give a lot to the family and men just enjoy what the women give.

There is an article somewhat related to, although not totally fit into, this situation, in Tianya forum. It is a very well-written article, if anyone woule like to have a look. It is in Chinese.

http://www.tianya.cn/publicforum/content/free/1/1097358.shtml

2009-1-3 11:30 AM

#104

ovzzzvo
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actually , the most important is belive between the wife and the husband,so pls don't hesitate to tell him about yr feeling , just in my opinion for yr reference . Hehe

2009-1-3 11:36 AM

#105

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wedding ring is the most important thing in a weeding party, it's so strange that you husband didn't get you this. maybe the wedding ring is not very good for your husband . just kinddly, but i sugget that you 'd better find out the answers otherwise you was torture by this ring a lot.

2009-1-3 12:03 PM

#106

fable2fable
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solution

maybe you could find a male friend who has a good relationship to both you and your husband.
and talk about this matter to him, and maybe that man can tell this matter to your husband.
and you could see your husband's reaction.

2009-1-3 04:12 PM

#107

happyelaine
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QUOTE:

Originally posted by littleboat at 2009-1-3 11:30
Happyelaine, the car is for your own use or for the use of the whole family? Are you the private chauffeur that drives the family members around? Luckily, your husband didn't buy you a lawn mower ...

The car is registered by my name and it is for me to drive to work everyday. he promised to buy me the car after our marriage, and he kept his promise. i sacrificed a lot to live with him, because of love. and i get his love in the end. we have a happy and warmth family now.

In my opinion, woman have to be indepent, confident, and keep ourselves beautifull. when you doubt your husband loves you or not, ask yourself how much do you love him? and do you worth him to love?

Don't blame your husband did not buy you a ring for wedding any more, life is realistic. just ask yourself, do you want to live happy everyday, or not happy just because of the ring issue. kick out of the ring issue out of your mind. smile to yourself everyday, life will smile to you too.

2009-1-3 05:36 PM

#108

krejados
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No ring on your finger

I hear a lot of things in your story, but the two things that scare me the most is 'I'm not sure if he loves me" and "I'm scared to talk to him, because the marriage might be over". It is terrible for you to live under this uncertainty; it brings stress and hard times between the two of you. Also, your baby will feel this stress and react.

Now for the ring: maybe it will help for you to know the history of traditional western marriage: the ring was a symbol of the woman 'belonging' to the man; not as a person, but as property. She was to serve her husband, obey him in all things, and could never own anything herself. Her husband could do anything he wanted, and she had to accept that. That is what a wedding ring means in western marriage. I hope this helps you let go of the need for a ring!

About the other, much more serious problem? Please, PLEASE try talking with him. If you cannot talk this out, the marriage is already over...

Congratulations on your sweet little baby!

2009-1-3 10:44 PM

#109

thunderbird
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QUOTE:

Originally posted by lateblue at 2009-1-3 09:34
These picture did not say anything about common people. These were all rich people who wanted to be like westerners. Traditionally, marriage present could be a ring, a necklace, or a pair of earing ...

I was told that these people were engaged in such "mass marriage" for economic and partially political reasons!

In other words...cheaper to get married that way, so resources could be channeled to the war effort against Japanese invasion of China!

Rich people were much preferred to have their own private and lavish hundred-table banquet!

Don't you think so?

2009-1-4 12:53 AM

#110

thunderbird
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QUOTE:

I was told that these people (city folks) were engaged in such "mass marriage" for economic and partially political reasons!

In other words...cheaper to get married that way, so resources could be channeled to the war effort against Japanese invasion of China!

What they were wearing would be the best they could afford and also most economical at the time!

Rich people were much preferred to have their own private and lavish hundred-table banquet!

Don't you think so?

I believe your term "common people" refers to farmers and laborers...am I correct?

It would be lucky for those "common people" to stay alive in those terrible times in China.

Common people would not even dream of having a ring

They would be extremely happy If they have a bowl of rice each day for the rest of their lives!

2009-1-4 01:10 AM

#111

li7ing
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Best wishes for you

Best wishes for you

2009-1-4 01:15 AM

#112

nffnlf
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just speak it out to your husband! you are husband and wife,i don't think there is problem that you two can not solve through communication.you must trust him and don't feel any embarrassed! Good luck to you!

2009-1-4 01:40 AM

#113

thunderbird
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The bottom line is

A ring is an ineffective way to prove an eternal love

Besides, most romantic and passionate love would be changed to a different kind of love within 6 months to 3 years of marriage

In general, a ring only speaks for the moment and not eternity

Ideally speaking ....love is eternal

Practically...it is a different story

Having said that...personally..I still believe having a ring is better than no ring

Why?

When the romantic flame is 10 feet high...a ring can enhance such intense passion

When the love flame got cool off...a ring can be served as a reminder of those good old time

When love has become a fixture in your life...a ring is the witness of those passionate moments!

When the man is gone...an expensive ring (no less than one carat diamond) can always worth something...at least half of what it was worth!

Very unromantic?

Yes...that's the difference between idealistic and realistic living!

In fact having a ring for whatever purpose in life is just a commercial indoctrination

Having real money in your account under your direct control is the ultimate security for yourself

Love is such an abstract thing....if you feel it ...it is there and that's love ....if you don't feel it ...it is not there and that's no love!

Trying to hold on to love ...is like holding on to a handful of fine sand

The harder you squeeze it...the faster it will run away from your palm and fingers!

If you can afford a ring...get one...why not?

At least that's something money can buy!

2009-1-4 01:47 AM

#114

sherry52033
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Thanks a lot!

Hello, all,
Happy New Year!
Thanks a lot for your kind attention and suggestions! I failed to catch you these days because I stayed with my husband for New Year holiday. I don’t want him to see my article.
I finally got the nerve to ask him why he didn’t buy me a ring on the first day of 2009, I don’t want this issue bother me in New Year. Then something dramatic happened, he didn’t give me any answer. We deadlocked for about 5 minutes, he kept silence all the time. I couldn’t help crying and went out.
I bought myself a ring on Jan 3rd, it costs RMB 10. But it is enough for me. I won’t think of the ring any more because it is meaningless for me now.
I will be 26 years old now. I gave up many dreams because of my marriage. From now on, I will be myself. I will pursue my dreams both old and new one. I will be happy. And I hope everybody will be happy in year 2009. Thank you!
Best regards,
Sherry

2009-1-6 09:16 AM

#115

sherry52033
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QUOTE:

Originally posted by Dacron at 2008-12-31 15:27
sigh...
I did not give my wife a ring in our wedding too. I even didn't care about if I should give my bride a ring! With all I don't think it would change the trues that I LOVE my wife,I must sa ...

Dacron, you should care about that. Without ring doesn't mean you don't love your wife. But ring is a symbol of love. I am sure your wife will be happy even if you buy her a cheaper ring without diamond. Please do that!

2009-1-6 09:56 AM

#116

sherry52033
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QUOTE:

Originally posted by fiona2008 at 2008-12-31 16:40
I think it is a pity for a girl if she did not have a ring when she married .
Yes , it is just a dream when princess meet the prince and when they fall in love then get married , the ring is just ...

You are lucky enough, Fiona. You have got a ring from your prince. I suggest you buy your husband a ring if you can afford. Hope you two love for ever!

2009-1-6 10:02 AM

#117

sherry52033
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QUOTE:

Originally posted by egoist at 2008-12-31 17:14

I really didn't know how to comfort you, you are supposed to be happy on such special occasion,you know marriage is such a unique and precious moment in our life that most people will cele ...

Egoist, I speaked out of the ring finally.Unfortunately, i didn't get any answer. I won't care about the ring any more. There are many interesting things to own except the ring. You will see a new Sherry. Thanks!

2009-1-6 10:09 AM

#118

sherry52033
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QUOTE:

Originally posted by HuntingtonChan at 2008-12-31 18:58
i am a boy, diamond ring...
on gal's wedding day, maybe,she wants a ring on her finger,
also, for some, it's not the most important...
and , i find that, on campus, young lovers have a ring e ...

Please do give your lover a ring when you get married! Remember it!

2009-1-6 10:14 AM

#119

sherry52033
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QUOTE:

Originally posted by ytfishgje at 2008-12-31 19:07
It's ridiculous that he didn't give you the ring which symblise a marriage at your wedding. It sounds nobody invited in the wedding except you! It's so-called Secret Marriage.
Anyway ,your marriag ...

I did think of marrying with him again with a ring. But it is meaningless now..... Thank you!

2009-1-6 10:16 AM

#120

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