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How to deal with your Chinese mother-in-law?   [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2014-5-26 16:39:50 |Display all floors
Marriage is not the matter just between you and your spouse, it is more like connecting two unfamiliar families together, esp in China. I once heard a saying popular among foreigners that once you marry a Chinese woman, it is tantamount to marrying her family. And if you marry a Chinese man, then congratulations, you will face the hardest daughter and mother in law relationship in the world. What is your understanding of parents-in-law relationship? Do you have any problems in dealing with it? Any effective ways to build a peaceful and friendly in law relationship?

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Post time 2014-5-26 18:12:19 |Display all floors
Open your hearts to each other. Let your mother-in-law know what's in your mind and at the same time you try to understand her.

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Post time 2014-5-27 08:08:33 |Display all floors
This post was edited by Ratfink at 2014-5-27 08:10

Give up and surrender, resistance is futile, your Chinese mother in law is always right, every single time.

Learn to say Yes mum - 是的妈妈 in Chinese and look suitably humble when saying it.

Tongue firmly in Cheek!!

Per Ardua Ad Astra

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Post time 2014-5-27 21:23:26 |Display all floors
In China, buy more presents, be sensitive, and show that you are responsible person with good job~

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Post time 2014-5-28 00:36:37 From mobile |Display all floors
english-learner Posted On  2 DayEarlier 16:39
Marriage is not the matter just between you and your spouse, it is more like connecting two unfamili...

First, don't run in with the stereotypical idea that a Chinese MiL is going to be an enemy. Respect, try to communicate or interact directly and sincerely (not just through your other half). Good will is half your ticket. Second, don't live in denial that you can always play by western rules. There aren't western expectations so give and take is the prescription. I get along with my in-laws by the above. Taught my MiL Angry Birds just yesterday. Had a good laugh.

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Post time 2014-5-29 14:57:37 |Display all floors

While I love my Chinese in-laws dearly and I am sure they would be thrilled if we moved in with them, I am plagued with the Western notion of wanting my own space. The house where they live (which actually belongs to my husband) has a large bedroom and bathroom that would be ours if we ever did decide to make the move, but what I am really deathly afraid of is my in-laws getting to know all of my flaws and imperfections if we lived in that close of proximity. Also, although my mother-in-law is a fantastic cook, the kitchen is clearly her space and that would be difficult for me. I love to cook, and I love my Western food. What would be ideal is to have a separate home nearer by to them.

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Post time 2014-5-29 16:07:57 |Display all floors

My wife just had a baby and it is some kind of chinese thing for her parents to help raise the kids etc during this time.  Well they are here for 6 months and im only 2 months into it and they are driving me crazy!!! i just hide out in the room hoping none of them want anything.  I love to go to work now! its the highlight of my day and i dread the weekend.  They don’t speak any english and though i try to speak chinese to them, they just don’t get a lot of what i am saying.  The main problem is that they are so stubborn and set in their ways, it’s irritating.  I consider myself a flexible person and know they are making a sacrifice to be here and help out but at the same time we were fine without them and just want them to have some fun with their grandson.  Well before they got here i installed a new ac for the whole house because here in florida it gets hot…lol…i bought a bed and replaced and upgraded rooms so they could be comfortable.  Almost the first or second day here they told me and my wife they hate ac…..they enjoy the 100 degree temperature.  Then the bed we bought for them was too soft.  See over there they sleep on basically wood with a cover as the mattress.  Well we bought a bed like that with the wood slats but its still different than what you get over there, so we bought like an inch thick foam for them to sleep on…they whined about it was to soft.  Okay so then her mom says she can’t sleep at night because her husband is snoring.  I asked my wife why didn’t that bother her when they were in china and my wife told me that they slept in seperate rooms over there.  So we bought a single bed and threw it in the babies bedroom so the mom can sleep away from her husband.  I’ve told them that one side of the sink doesn’t work and not to use it but they keep using it all the time.  The dad just goes around digging up the yard, he tore out all my nice flowers because he thought they were weeds….my wife is fully on their side.  My main complaint is this, they do whatever they want when they are here even when i tell them not to.  Yet when i spent a month over there i had to play by their rules and would repeatdly get told not to do certan things and was subjected to sleeping on their uncomfortable wood bed.   I don’t ask for much, i’m happy to see my wife and son get to spend time with them but it seems like their should be some kind of respect for the things i feel should or shouldn’t be done.  i can’t wait till november……

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