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Should marriage continue without love?   [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2012-8-17 20:26:01 |Display all floors
It has been more than a year since the last time I visited this forum. I'm very grateful that so many people cared about me. I didn't expect that my life would change a bit after complaining around here. I just want to find people to talk to.

Here's my post from last year http://bbs.chinadaily.com.cn/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=702486&highlight=husband%2Bgay.

To put it briefly: I'm wtill married with 6-year old daughter, I'm still living with a husband who almost never performs as a husband.
I can't feel any love from him.

I thought he was a gay, I'm still not sure.  4 or 5 times a YEAR, disappointed every time at last. I'd rather he didn't touched me.

People adviced me to divorce him. I don't know if that's the right thing to do. If it hadn't been for the sake of my daughter, I woud have left him long ago.

I feel really bad that I have to pretend that we're happy parents in front of my daughter.
Should I just let it be?

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Post time 2012-8-18 01:38:28 |Display all floors
this is not a marriage without love only ,this is 'white' marriage.This is not marriage at all.
If you wait until your daughter grows up you will have missed the chance to live the life you and your daughter deserve.Divorcing him ypou give him also his freedom
I really    love China,半个 中国 人

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Post time 2012-8-18 12:08:00 |Display all floors
beware, that kids learn more that You would like them to... and specially they "read" hidden feelings

what contact He has with Your daughter? is He good, carrying, loving father for Her?
and how do he act as a husband toward You? (except sexuality)? Care about You and family?

if answers for above are negative... it is better for both of You to separate or divorce as soon as possible, with no "drama". it You can do it as a friends - You can be a friends even after divorce, I know some relationship like that, and it works also for childs (They no longer live in lies...)

if answers for above are positive... stay friends (but formally maried - why not?), rising Your child.
what about sexuality? You have to discuss it with Him, and take a decission how You can resolve it.
there is always possibility to relase pressure with acceptable for both ways IF You can differ sexuality from love (You can regulary go for massage with "hapy end", have a "friend of the family" lover... etc. ). If not - still separation and divorce...

longer You live in "unresolved" situation - longer Your daughter lives in world of lies, and learn lies as a normal way of life... do You really want it?

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Post time 2012-8-19 10:36:55 |Display all floors
This man doesn't deserve your love/
i think divorce will do you good

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Post time 2012-8-19 11:43:09 |Display all floors
Hunter4life Post time: 2012-8-19 10:36
This man doesn't deserve your love/
i think divorce will do you good

hunter, what is Your experience in relationship(s?)...? is it enough to judge, and give so "strict" advices?

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Post time 2012-8-19 19:39:37 |Display all floors
cannot believe you got married without having love. probably commitment is more important in a marriage.

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Post time 2012-8-20 09:06:52 |Display all floors
If its as bad as it appears to be, you ought to get a divorce. No use wasting years of your life.
You daughter is only six years old and at that age they are very resilient. They can handle
more truth than you might imagine. If you stay in an unhappy marriage full of strain and
pretenses your daughter might begin to think this is the way marriage should be.
Of course I don't know if this would be practical. You might be stuck with him because
of finances. Anyway, if he is seeing others behind your back don't play the fool and be celibate.
Live your life. Don't waste it.
If capitalism promotes innovation and creativity then why aren't scientists and artists the richest people in a capitalist nation?

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