Author: ceciliazhang

Is it okay to teach your kids to fight back?   [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2017-5-4 09:53:52 |Display all floors
hi654 Post time: 2017-5-3 17:36
> Sixty percent of Chinese parents tell their children to fight back when bullied

You know, this is ...

I don't believe the victim should be blamed. The bully will never stop until someone stands up and fights against him. In general, we teach our kids to walk away. We teach them that violence is not the answer. But the reality is that sometimes, they just need to defend themselves physically, to be strong and protect themselves. But always make them aware of when to stop and the consequences.

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Post time 2017-5-4 09:59:57 |Display all floors
1105852048 Post time: 2017-5-4 00:21
When I was growing up, my mother always told me not to fight because fighting would demean me also.  ...

Good for you.

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Post time 2017-5-4 10:52:55 |Display all floors
ceciliazhang Post time: 2017-5-4 09:53
I don't believe the victim should be blamed. The bully will never stop until someone stands up and ...

> I don't believe the victim should be blamed.

Yeah, we should always try to help the victim. But hailChina actually brought up a good point, and the bully, especially if he is a child, deserves our help and kindness, too.

> The bully will never stop until someone stands up and fights against him

Not true. You see, this is how Chinese people think. You don't consider that forgiveness or kindness could have any effect on people. In contrast, the Americans will teach you to take the higher road, and to not lower yourself to the bully's level. For example, this is a true story that happened decades ago. I just remember it, because it's a good example for life. Two drivers get in a fight on the road. One driver remains calm, while the other driver keeps yelling his lungs out, which could easily escalate to physical violence. But the screaming driver admitted that he was embarrassed at his own behavior, because the other driver remained so calm and collected and kind. One good person has helped another become better, in midst of a fight. People can change without being punished. Nowadays, good stories promoting kindness from the USA are harder to find, and it is reflected in the most recent violent and bloody incident of a passenger being dragged off the plane.

> In general, we teach our kids to walk away.

In your OP, you just said 60% of Chinese parents teach kids to fight back. So which is it?

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Post time 2017-5-4 11:11:57 |Display all floors
hi654 Post time: 2017-5-3 17:36
> Sixty percent of Chinese parents tell their children to fight back when bullied

You know, this is ...

Bullies target people. It has nothing to do with putting yourself into a situation, nor does it have anything to do with spirituality,or anything else. It could be something as simple as the colour of your shirt, or the sandwich in your lunchbox. If you have something the bully wants, or doesn't like, you become a target.

By not fighting back, by not telling anyone, by keeping the bullying trapped inside of yourself, it often leads to depression, feelings of worthlessness, of being third-rate, and a lot of the time, it leads to suicide.

You have to watch your child's moods. If they often come home from school hungry, or late, disheveled, aloof about their school day, etc., that could be a sign of bullying. If they say their day was "okay", and refuse to talk more about it ... if they dread going to school (this is often in the days leading up to an attempt to take their own life), or you find out they are leaving the house but never arriving at school ... these are all signs of bullying related behaviour.

Bullies only stop when they get a taste of their own medicine. if no one stands up to them, they carry that behaviour into adulthood, often becoming spousal and/or child abusers, overbearing supervisors/employers, or worse.

Talk to your children. If there are signs of bullying, teach them to defend themselves.
It's hard to win an argument with a smart person. It's damned near impossible to win an argument with a stupid person.
Stupid people are like Glowsticks. You want to snap them in half and shake the crap out of them until they see the light.

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Post time 2017-5-4 11:31:11 |Display all floors
cmknight Post time: 2017-5-4 11:11
Bullies target people. It has nothing to do with putting yourself into a situation, nor does it ha ...

Christ. I didn't say teach your child to be a coward and mope and tell no one. I'm saying, an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.

> Bullies only stop when they get a taste of their own medicine.

Nope. They also stop when they are given the love that they really need and that is missing from their lives.

> nor does it have anything to do with spirituality,or anything else.

Nope. It has a lot to do with your mental state, which I would equate with spirituality. It's a reason why some countries are more prone to violence than others, why some people have more of a tendency to become victims than others.

Anyway, most people are paid to be here. I'm not. And I get no pleasure from doing this, so this will be my last post in this forum.  



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Post time 2017-5-4 11:43:31 |Display all floors
cmknight Post time: 2017-5-4 11:11
Bullies target people. It has nothing to do with putting yourself into a situation, nor does it ha ...

Just recently I asked my daughter to try and get her girl interested in a local martial arts or combat sports gym which offer kids classes that address self-defense.

A person's ability to handle bullies will also increase their ability to learn and will be the best example towards kids around them.
A self confident kid will not bully others, they do not need that primitive behavior...
the latest example of violence:

"One minute passengers were settling into their seats for the 11-hour flight from Tokyo, Japan, to Los Angeles.
The next they were scrambling out of the way as a male passenger became irate and began throwing punches at another man seated in the row behind him."
The flight was delayed more than 90 minutes...


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Post time 2017-5-4 15:08:32 |Display all floors
When I was a teenager, I was bullied by others who was older and stronger than I was and I always sood for it. Because  if I fought back, I would be beaten again. I was not a bad guy but a naughty boy.

Walter Chang from Shenyang

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