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Why Foreign women don’t date Chinese men

Popularity 24Viewed 15164 times 2014-5-5 11:04 |Personal category:Commentary|System category:Life| Chinese, Dating, Relationships, Romance, Culture

Look around, foreign men whether fat, ugly, short, tall, rich or poor are dating local girls. But to see a Chinese guy dating a foreigner is like seeing a fight in a church or a female Pope.


Ok, maybe the Pope meme is a hyperbole but it comes from a real issue; why are Chinese men not dating the thousands of foreigners in China?


Warning...this is a satire...its just a funny post...


Well, firstly, Chinese men are afraid. Even in Chinese colleges a lot of Chinese men do not talk or chase girls - they are shy.


Secondly, Chinese boys are spoiled. The One Child generation is worst affected, they are used to parents getting everything for them. Parents buy them a house; parents introduce a wife to them. Surely foreign women, who are usually independent, would never roll with such a guy.


Chinese men are racially insecure, especially to Caucasians. It’s why Foreigners get more pay for the same job in China; it’s why foreign guys get the girls and why Chinese men don’t dare the foreign ladies.


This one might bite: Foreign women avoid Chinese guys because they say they have small penises. Well, it’s a stereotype….


Tradition is good, but it can be a major impact. Traditional people are usually not open-minded and will cut on romance, public displays of affection or even a good make-out session – a very integral part of a foreign woman’s fantasy.


Language - Many foreign men come to China and quickly learn the pickup lines – and most Chinese girls speak better English – perfect match. Chinese men are more Sino-centric linguistically which eliminates them.


The saving culture - Chinese people are inclined to save to buy a house. Foreign guys will spend most of what they get and will go for top clothing brands or eat at fancy restaurants. That difference is huge in romance terms. 

Chinese boys are too busy studying, men are too busy working – they don’t take time to admire girls passing by. Foreign guys will always pause to take in a voluptuous lady walking by or wave, nod or even bow. As such the Chinese guys do not notice the foreign girls in their midst just like they don’t notice the Chinese girls.


In trains or buses you have guys glued to phones, it is like a scene from the BBC Documentary No Sex Please, We are Japanese.


Chinese guys are relatively less social and out-going. For a billion people, Chinese night clubs are too empty on average and since most foreign ladies hang out there, and Chinese men don’t go there, they don’t get to meet the ladies.


Chinese netizens bash foreigners for playing around with Chinese girls, but it’s not like the foreign guys are grabbing – they are only filling a gap and as for Chinese men not getting foreign women, it is their own fault.


I have to go, some Chinese girls are knocking on my door – We got a lunch to grab! 

 

(Opinions of the writer in this blog don't represent those of China Daily.)


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Reply Report claudeckenni 2014-5-5 13:39
Agree with some of the points, but I understand Chinese man way of thinking. Chinese culture teach them to look for ONE girl they would dedicate their life to, not a bunch of dates or "One Night Stand"s. So I think, no matter what people might say, Chinese man should just stay Chinese, and find a girl who value the same values.

For example, no need to look for girls in the nightclubs if you don't want to date one of their kind. Me, myself, I rarely go to nightclubs because I don't think I would find my ideal soulmate there. Instead, I study hard, got a scholarship and study overseas, participate in a lot of activities, and TAA-DAA, there she is, my soulmate. I finally found her, across the sea, and she is just like the kind I always dreamed of. And I didn't found her in nightclubs.

So just be yourself, no need to pretend to be what you're not because in the end, it doesn't matter how many girls have you dated or slept with. Happiness comes from within =)
Reply Report qiexiaowan 2014-5-5 16:24
some Chinese girls are knocking on my door – We got a lunch to grab
good good good
Reply Report 朱莎莎 2014-5-5 17:14
Ha
,interesting angle of Chinese boys
Reply Report 财神 2014-5-5 17:30
Yea, may be. one of my Chinese brother who divorced at 50 wants to find out foreign women. he tired with chinese woman. it might be the exceptional case.  
Reply Report jiewei798 2014-5-6 10:18
It depends on the foreign woman. I know two foreign girls that are dating Chinese guys, both times I learned this I was very surprised, for your aforementioned reasons. But it does make sense when you think about. For my American friend, the Chinese guy she is dating is very outgoing and very Western, which is unusual for a Chinese guy. For my Indian friend, she studies Chinese culture and language, so a Chinese boyfriend is the perfect match for her. It really depends on the person and their own culture. I think when you say foreign, you are just referring to Western.
Reply Report teamkrejados 2014-5-6 10:29
There is a difference between male and female psychology: men have more self assurance, mainly because society accords them a larger role. Thus it is easy to see why men 'conquer' China by 'captivating' a woman. Women, on the other hand feel no need to conquer, and are happy to assimilate as best they can.
Besides, for some women of independent spirit, having a man at her side is not a good thing.
Reply Report mutafire 2014-5-6 12:36
jiewei798: It depends on the foreign woman. I know two foreign girls that are dating Chinese guys, both times I learned this I was very surprised, for your afore ...
The only women that can easily and do easily date Chinese men are African...from Africa...Indians are even more traditional and usually only marry or date fellow Indians...

And yes, you are confirming my observations there, for a Chinese guy to date a foreigner, they have to rise out of their Chineseness...

But again, times are changing...and things are becoming blurred
Reply Report mutafire 2014-5-6 12:39
teamkrejados: There is a difference between male and female psychology: men have more self assurance, mainly because society accords them a larger role. Thus it is  ...
Hahaha, I really did forget that they are feminists like you who do not have a side on this either or dichotomy i created!

Its true of women not looking to have...but still, women feel, at home or away and while they feel, they want and if they want they must date...but if that is the slippery slope, why are they not dating Chinese guys?

The answer might be in your last sentence...some are independent and they dont need some guy to survive...
Reply Report freedom_seeking 2014-5-6 12:54
I'm gonna be more polite even if I was pissed off. First of all, we do not need to look for or date a foreign girl on purpose. Second, most of us do not want to be dependent on parents and just try to get a better life through our own efforts. Besides, Chiness men are not like you think! The disposition varies from person to person, some being generous, some being mean, some being romantic, and some being dull, etc. etc. It do exist everywhere in the world! As for the physiological feature, it's natural, not depentent on human! So at last, I wanna say, it's in China, take care of your words, be more polite, and do not show off, you arrogant guy!
Reply Report tedbrent 2014-5-6 13:51
Lots of Chinese guys have foreign wives who are educated sorts. One of them is a  white female American journalist working for Associate Press; her Chinese husband is-surprise- just a peasant living in the sticks. And I also  hear that some Chinese men have African wives as well.
Reply Report Anming 2014-5-6 14:59
This post is nonsense. I know so many foreign women living happily with Chinese men. I study with Chinese, using Chinese language, my classmates (male and female) are not shy at all and more open minded than many foreigners I have met here. You are not very likely to find the love of your life drunk in a nightclub and a large penis is no guarantee for a happy marriage. I have been to Sanlitun Saturday evening and three African guys shouted loudly "Sexy Girl, let's have some fun" at me. I am afraid large penis size also doesn't compensate for lack of education and good manners. How many unreflected and race-centered posts are we going to expect in the future? I love the "Europeans are so open about sex and have orgies where ever they go", I spend 90% of my time in the library and really love to hear that one!
Reply Report Anming 2014-5-6 15:05
freedom_seeking: I'm gonna be more polite even if I was pissed off. First of all, we do not need to look for or date a foreign girl on purpose. Second, most of us do n ...
Fully agree with you!
Reply Report Anming 2014-5-6 15:11
And about the physiological feature, I find that quite humiliating for both, men and women. You think women have a certain standard, and if it turns out the person she fell in love with is not reaching the necessary cms, a woman would just decide to leave that guy? I think you write "dating", but what you think is something different... when it comes to true love, nothing that can't be compensated with quality time spent together and good foreplay.
Reply Report chinalionfish 2014-5-6 16:12
That's really true. Chinese guys pay more attention to FACE.
Reply Report Maierwei 2014-5-6 16:19
claudeckenni: Agree with some of the points, but I understand Chinese man way of thinking. Chinese culture teach them to look for ONE girl they would dedicate their ...
Your dismissal of nightclubs as if they are strip clubs or hooker houses sound very... Chinese, no? Places where people looking for one night stands go?

They do go of course, nobody should tell them not to, but not everyone has the same motive.
Reply Report Maierwei 2014-5-6 16:44
mutafire: Hahaha, I really did forget that they are feminists like you who do not have a side on this either or dichotomy i created!

Its true of women not loo ...
One more feminist-y view!

"But to see a Chinese guy dating a foreigner is like seeing a fight in a church or a female Pope" sounds quite exaggerated. Online and in real world, I've met many foreigner women dating-living together-married to Asian (and Chinese) guys. And myself, have a Chinese boyfriend. Korean dramas and K-pop has made quite a large number of women fangirls as well.

And in general, I'd say there are more men coming to China than women. My impression is that most of the women residing in Asian countries do so because their husbands are transferred to work in that country. Men having affairs on business trips or short stays and spending money on local females is a more common phenomenon everywhere. May change in the future though!

The kind of feminist comment of mine is that many women, no matter how independent they may seem, are robbed off of sovereignity over their choices, especially about relationships. It started changing very recently. After having no say on your own private life, being told what to do and being brainwashed with gender norms, it's not easy to emerge as the sole decision-maker of your own life. The indirect oppression women still continue to face make them more hesitant than foreign men dating Chinese girls, me thinks.

Especially when it comes to sex. To my surprise, most sexually active and independent Western women I've met turned out to be very ignorant about their bodies and their sexuality. My country is mainly conservative about sex, so I used to think Western women (especially Americans) would be very strong-willed and know what they want, yet the more I got to know them the more I felt frustrated with their acceptance and optimism.

So in short, in general there are less Caucasian women dating "out" especially when distant cultures are concerned. So women tend to marry/date "up" both in sense of socio-economic class and modernist racism.

And about measuring erect penis size... There are only 2 ways, none of which guarantee the same result... It's either asking people or dragging people to laboratories for a uniform check. I guess the almost-impossibility of getting reliable data explains the irrelevance and unnecessity of such studies. In addition to the one you mentioned, Durex also conducted a research for product-developing purpose, and asked men about their size and if they were alone or with a partner. (..As if men regularly stop to measure themselves when with a partner)

And there is also the political background that... women were taken and given as "gifts" or as a form of paying debt throughout history. Since West is "superior to" East, the dynamics are decided already.
Reply Report Cybor 2014-5-6 16:52
Well, well. As a Chinese man, I am busy pushing the world's second largest economy with our brothers and sisters so that the world can benefit more from us. We lend our money so that our brother Americans can date with our girls without worrying about their wallets. Though the news has came that China would overtake America as the world's largest economy in end of this year. I still won't be happy. Just as Sun Yat-sen says:"It's not the end yet. There is still plenty to do".
Reply Report ColinSpeakman 2014-5-6 18:57
Cybor: Well, well. As a Chinese man, I am busy pushing the world's second largest economy with our brothers and sisters so that the world can benefit more fr ...
I will have to write about that bit. China to overtake US- as largest economy by end of next year. No on the terms we have been using. Too early. An eye catching report using rebased figures and assumptions of purchasing power parity and where exchange rates going. So lots of assumptions necessary and gut feel matters. China does not feel to me like it will overtake USA next year . Trust your friendly LSE Economist!    look out for a post!
Reply Report ColinSpeakman 2014-5-6 19:02
I think mutafire picked a great topic in that it is promoting nearly 20 comments and that is a good blog. So many clever comments. I add an intended to be funny one. If Chinese men do worry about possible shorter length of a key body part      work hard on 69 position. I assume tongues are not shorter?   
Reply Report claudeckenni 2014-5-6 19:14
Maierwei: Your dismissal of nightclubs as if they are strip clubs or hooker houses sound very... Chinese, no? Places where people looking for one night stands g ...
That's not what I meant. For example, I know many Asian men look for a women who doesn't drink or smoke. Well, usually you won't enjoy hanging out in clubs if you don't drink or smoke, right? This is just an example. I don't mean to judge people who come to nightclubs, I just want to emphasize that you don't have to go to nightclubs to find the love of your life. Sorry if I send out a wrong impression =)

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